(Written 12/1/12)
A few days ago I sat down with my team leader, Heather, to evaluate my Immersion experience. Among the list of questions she had for me, she asked me for a word, phrase or sentence to sum up my time during this trip. After a few minutes to think, I chose the sentence, "In the best possible way, I don't recognize the girl who got on the plane in Detroit."
While my face and arms may be a darker shade of color and I might not be in the physical shape that I was in 6 months ago, I wasn't referring to my outward appearance (don't worry mom, I didn't get dreads...). This trip has revealed many elements of who I am as well as transformed more of my heart than I knew existed.
Beginning the day before I was even offered a position on this trip, God began to strip away parts of me that didn't glorify Him. By the time July 7th came around, I didn't recognize the girl who applied for this trip. From day one, every part of me has been challenged. Whether it was in training by theoretical injustice instances, or on the Navajo reservation where alcoholism and legalistic religion runs rampant, or in South Africa where skin color decides what social status or even area of town people are allowed in, or in Mozambique where the people are too poor to buy shoes or salt, or in Lesotho where the people are not able to produce enough food for their families and are reliant on South Africa for countless imports, or living with a group of strangers for 6 months, or traveling and dealing with customs and cultures that are not easy to learn or mesh with. Every minute of this trip has challenged me in ways I probably won't fully know for some time to come. Parts of me I never knew existed were not only challenged, but removed. Parts of me were developed in ways I never thought possible. Parts of me were discovered as I allowed God to chip away at what I thought I needed to be while holding me and loving me in a way only He can. Things that used to matter, don't anymore. Things that used to not be on my radar, are glaring and breaking my heart every day. Who I thought I was has disappeared and the woman He has me to be becomes more and more apparent every day.
Not only did He change my outlook on the world I came from, He has begun to prepare me for the world He wants me to be a part of in the future. I think I was 12 the first time Africa was placed on my heart. As I grew and learned, my passion for Africa grew and developed. My choice to go to nursing school directly affected my knowledge of His call on my life for full time medical missions. I didn't know where in Africa He would call me, but I knew after nursing school, Africa was next. Without this trip, I would have never been prepared for full time missions. Seeing multiple cultures and facets of Africa has not only helped me determine God's call for my life, but has opened my eyes and heart to the differences and diversity of the continent in a way that any other trip couldn't have done. The mere nature of this trip took me way outside of my comfort zone to a place where clinging to Jesus was my best and only option to "make it thru" successfully and learn more about Him and His heart for both me and the people of Africa.
Outside of comfort zones is where Jesus loves to take us in order to show us more of Himself, His heart, and His will for us. When was the last time you allowed yourself to be taken outside of the things you know and to simply be alone with Jesus so that He can speak to your heart? It may take a 6 month trip to Africa, it may only take 30 minutes of pure silence with Him and no distractions. It may be different for every one of His children. My time in Africa is coming to an end and so is 2012. What will 2013 look like for you? Will you allow Him to take you out of your comfort zone in whatever way He calls you? Or will you allow another year to come and go without giving everything you have for His glory? After all, do you want people to recognize you when 2014 rolls around, or do you want to be unrecognizable and giving Him all the glory?
"Remember the wondrous works that He has done, his miracles, and the judgments He uttered." -Psalm 105:5
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Friday, October 26, 2012
"You're Beautiful"
(written 10/24/12)
I see Your face in every sun rise
The colors of the morning are inside Your eyes
The world awakens in the light of the day
I look up to the sky and say
You're Beautiful
In Mozambique, the day starts when the sun comes up. I realize that this happens in many cultures and time zones all over the world, but in Mozambique, a place where electricity is not a common utility in the homes, the sun is greatly relied upon for work. In my house, the chickens wake up first, followed by Avõ, then the kids and then me. They let me sleep in a bit, since I was a guest but most days still started around 5:30. The door of our house opens to the most beautiful sunrise I have ever seen and somehow, sweeping and crushing mandioka for breakfast isn't as terrible with God's beautiful sunrise starring me in the face and His eyes looking down on me. Not many things are awake in the world when the sun rises and families don't really start to communicate with each other or others until later. And even tho I find it hard to form words in English at 5 am let alone Portuguese, there is a stillness and a peace that my Abba is in the very center of, beginning every day with His love and beauty.
I see Your power in the moonlit night
Where planets are in motion and galaxies are bright
We are amazed in the light of the stars
It's all proclaiming who You are
You're Beautiful
I wish there were words in one of the five languages I have learned on this trip to describe the brilliancy of stars when there is no electricity for miles and His creation is the only thing visible but none come to mind even after laying under them for 6 weeks. Not one word, not 500 words could describe how incredible my God is and how beautiful His stars are. As I laid under the stars, my host family thinking I'm crazy, and starred up at the moon, stars, and galaxies that I could see from the rock in front of our house, perfectly curved to my back and neck, I saw the amazing complexities and intricacies of the sky and just how creative my Father got when creating the world. But more than that, His thoughts for me outnumber those stars He created. I tried to count one small section of one tiny expanse of the sky. I couldn't even tackle that much, let alone the entire sky! I'm so unworthy of that many thoughts and that much care and ultimately that much grace. Laying under the stars is by far the most humbling experience. I have never felt so small, yet so loved in my entire life. Night brings a welcomed breeze thru our house and porch. The atmosphere changes when the sun goes down. Families make dinner and spend time unwinding together before heading to bed, around 8 pm because the sun has gone away and so has the ability to see. But for a short while, everything stops. No more working, no cooking, no yelling, at my house everything stops and Avõ and I just sit together starring out over the land. We don't usually say much. Sometimes Avõ gives me a quick Lomway lesson, but other than that we simply sit together and enjoy the quality time and silence we have been given. His power is more evident in the stars, but His presence also fills the air and calms our spirits, together.
I see You there hanging on a tree
You bled and then You died and then You rose again for me
Now You are sitting on Your heavenly throne
Soon we will be coming home
You're Beautiful
Life in Mozambique is not an easy one. Ministering in Mozambique is very challenging. But my Jesus hung on a tree, bled, died, and rose again for me. And for Avõ. And for Jame. And for Esperanca. And for every person here in Mozambique. When days aren't easy, and most aren't, it's easy to lose sight of the mission. It's hard to keep the focus on Jesus' sacrifice and sharing His love with everyone in this country and the world. But that is why we are alive and why I am on this trip, to spread His love and grace to the ends of the earth and to share what Jesus did on the cross for each and every one of us.
When we arrive at eternity's shore
Where death is just a memory and tears are no more
We'll enter in as the wedding bells ring
Your bride will come together and we'll sing
You're Beautiful
I have had many hard days here in Mozambique. I have been tested and tried in ways I never thought I would be or really wanted to be. At times, I have questioned why I'm even here and what my presence is doing for my family and the community. But I'm reminded at my plan is nothing. And His plan is everything. His plan is perfect. His timing is perfect. He has a purpose for it all. I am not called to plant, water, and see growth, and tend the field, and reap the harvest. He has called me here for this season and I don't have any entitlement to see the other seasons. I finally understand that if I don't understand why I was here, until I get to heaven and recognize a Mozambican face from my time here, that it will be enough. I'm satisfied with trusting Him and His plan to know that it doesn't matter what I see, His plan will be carried thru to completion. And I can't wait to get to heaven and join the rest of the bride to sing praises to my God, with the Mozambicans He brought to Himself thru our time here.
I see Your face
You're Beautiful
You're Beautiful
You're Beautiful
Everywhere I look, there are faces. Faces of children. Faces of grandmothers. Faces of men. Faces of mothers. Faces of orphans. But in their face, no matter how broken, tired, or lonely, I see His face. And it is a beautiful beautiful face filled with a joy like none other. God is here in Mocuba, Mozambique. No matter how hard it may be to see at times. He is here and living and working in ways we may never see, but will bring Him more glory than any of us could have ever imagined.
The past 2 nights, I have sang praise and worship songs at night while avõ and I sit on the mat. I always start with "You're Beautiful" because of all the meaning and beauty behind the song. I sing alone and started because I missed music and time with my Savior, but I also know that God moves in worship and, especially in my life, uses it in ways I am constantly blown away by. 2 nights ago as I was singing, Belo avos 8 year old grandson who is visiting from Milange, came running over from his house and said "Ti-Tia (aunt in Portuguese) you're beautiful you're beautiful!" and he began to sing the chorus. So I sang the verses and he sang the chorus with me. Part of the way thru, Jame joined in on the chorus. After we had finished, Belo folded his hands and asked me to pray. So I prayed over the two little boys sitting and praising Jesus with me. Then Belo prayed. Then Jame. The next night, Belo's brother Beliniu joined us and he sang and prayed with us. And any time Belo and I just sat together, we sang "You're Beautiful." Fighting back tears, I thanked God for the little sign of hope and the beauty He is creating in this place as I leave.
I see Your face in every sun rise
The colors of the morning are inside Your eyes
The world awakens in the light of the day
I look up to the sky and say
You're Beautiful
In Mozambique, the day starts when the sun comes up. I realize that this happens in many cultures and time zones all over the world, but in Mozambique, a place where electricity is not a common utility in the homes, the sun is greatly relied upon for work. In my house, the chickens wake up first, followed by Avõ, then the kids and then me. They let me sleep in a bit, since I was a guest but most days still started around 5:30. The door of our house opens to the most beautiful sunrise I have ever seen and somehow, sweeping and crushing mandioka for breakfast isn't as terrible with God's beautiful sunrise starring me in the face and His eyes looking down on me. Not many things are awake in the world when the sun rises and families don't really start to communicate with each other or others until later. And even tho I find it hard to form words in English at 5 am let alone Portuguese, there is a stillness and a peace that my Abba is in the very center of, beginning every day with His love and beauty.
I see Your power in the moonlit night
Where planets are in motion and galaxies are bright
We are amazed in the light of the stars
It's all proclaiming who You are
You're Beautiful
I wish there were words in one of the five languages I have learned on this trip to describe the brilliancy of stars when there is no electricity for miles and His creation is the only thing visible but none come to mind even after laying under them for 6 weeks. Not one word, not 500 words could describe how incredible my God is and how beautiful His stars are. As I laid under the stars, my host family thinking I'm crazy, and starred up at the moon, stars, and galaxies that I could see from the rock in front of our house, perfectly curved to my back and neck, I saw the amazing complexities and intricacies of the sky and just how creative my Father got when creating the world. But more than that, His thoughts for me outnumber those stars He created. I tried to count one small section of one tiny expanse of the sky. I couldn't even tackle that much, let alone the entire sky! I'm so unworthy of that many thoughts and that much care and ultimately that much grace. Laying under the stars is by far the most humbling experience. I have never felt so small, yet so loved in my entire life. Night brings a welcomed breeze thru our house and porch. The atmosphere changes when the sun goes down. Families make dinner and spend time unwinding together before heading to bed, around 8 pm because the sun has gone away and so has the ability to see. But for a short while, everything stops. No more working, no cooking, no yelling, at my house everything stops and Avõ and I just sit together starring out over the land. We don't usually say much. Sometimes Avõ gives me a quick Lomway lesson, but other than that we simply sit together and enjoy the quality time and silence we have been given. His power is more evident in the stars, but His presence also fills the air and calms our spirits, together.
I see You there hanging on a tree
You bled and then You died and then You rose again for me
Now You are sitting on Your heavenly throne
Soon we will be coming home
You're Beautiful
Life in Mozambique is not an easy one. Ministering in Mozambique is very challenging. But my Jesus hung on a tree, bled, died, and rose again for me. And for Avõ. And for Jame. And for Esperanca. And for every person here in Mozambique. When days aren't easy, and most aren't, it's easy to lose sight of the mission. It's hard to keep the focus on Jesus' sacrifice and sharing His love with everyone in this country and the world. But that is why we are alive and why I am on this trip, to spread His love and grace to the ends of the earth and to share what Jesus did on the cross for each and every one of us.
When we arrive at eternity's shore
Where death is just a memory and tears are no more
We'll enter in as the wedding bells ring
Your bride will come together and we'll sing
You're Beautiful
I have had many hard days here in Mozambique. I have been tested and tried in ways I never thought I would be or really wanted to be. At times, I have questioned why I'm even here and what my presence is doing for my family and the community. But I'm reminded at my plan is nothing. And His plan is everything. His plan is perfect. His timing is perfect. He has a purpose for it all. I am not called to plant, water, and see growth, and tend the field, and reap the harvest. He has called me here for this season and I don't have any entitlement to see the other seasons. I finally understand that if I don't understand why I was here, until I get to heaven and recognize a Mozambican face from my time here, that it will be enough. I'm satisfied with trusting Him and His plan to know that it doesn't matter what I see, His plan will be carried thru to completion. And I can't wait to get to heaven and join the rest of the bride to sing praises to my God, with the Mozambicans He brought to Himself thru our time here.
I see Your face
You're Beautiful
You're Beautiful
You're Beautiful
Everywhere I look, there are faces. Faces of children. Faces of grandmothers. Faces of men. Faces of mothers. Faces of orphans. But in their face, no matter how broken, tired, or lonely, I see His face. And it is a beautiful beautiful face filled with a joy like none other. God is here in Mocuba, Mozambique. No matter how hard it may be to see at times. He is here and living and working in ways we may never see, but will bring Him more glory than any of us could have ever imagined.
The past 2 nights, I have sang praise and worship songs at night while avõ and I sit on the mat. I always start with "You're Beautiful" because of all the meaning and beauty behind the song. I sing alone and started because I missed music and time with my Savior, but I also know that God moves in worship and, especially in my life, uses it in ways I am constantly blown away by. 2 nights ago as I was singing, Belo avos 8 year old grandson who is visiting from Milange, came running over from his house and said "Ti-Tia (aunt in Portuguese) you're beautiful you're beautiful!" and he began to sing the chorus. So I sang the verses and he sang the chorus with me. Part of the way thru, Jame joined in on the chorus. After we had finished, Belo folded his hands and asked me to pray. So I prayed over the two little boys sitting and praising Jesus with me. Then Belo prayed. Then Jame. The next night, Belo's brother Beliniu joined us and he sang and prayed with us. And any time Belo and I just sat together, we sang "You're Beautiful." Fighting back tears, I thanked God for the little sign of hope and the beauty He is creating in this place as I leave.
Avõ Rosa
(written 10/9/12)
Avõ Rosa has lived quite the life. She is 71 years old and is currently raising her 3rd generation of children. She has cared for an albino granddaughter that everyone wanted to kill, she has raised great grandchildren that she walks to school every morning, she has worked in the fields every morning, made 3 meals a day for countless people for close to 65 years now. But in Mozambique, none of that matters. She is old and in the way. Everyone sees her as senile and someone to take advantage of. I have lived with her for 3 weeks now and have seen her go without meals and leave to go to the market and have family members come and take her clothes and not leave her with much of anything. She wears countless layers of clothing and at first I thought she had dementia, but it is because if she doesn't wear it, she won't have it. Every garment she wears has things tied into it. Money, cashews, peanuts, you name it, it's hidden in her garments. Don't get me wrong, African culture is very much so community but in Mozambique, the elderly have no rights. They are charged with crimes they didn't commit in order to get rid of them. Their families take from them what isn't fair to take. They go without meals when they work hard to farm and prepare the meals simply because someone else came and took their share. Injustice is all around, in all shapes and sizes, but Avõ Rosa and those her age are ones who suffer from more than the rest. the average life expectancy in Mozambique is 37 years old. This woman has almost doubled it and her reward is being treated more unjustly than the rest.
I have been hit in the face with injustice for most of my life, whether it be in Detroit, Jamaica, Trinidad, or on the Res and this trip is no different. From July 7th when I first stepped off the plane, I have been bombarded with things in this life that are simply not fair. Why am I typing on an iPad while the woman I am living with has to guard everything she owns in her clothes from her remaining family members, those who haven't died from HIV/AIDS or skin cancer or some other violent death? Why has she worked so hard for everything she has and I have been blessed immensely? No matter how long I spend in the mission field, I don't think I will ever understand injustice or be able to explain it, but I do know injustice is why I wake up in a grass hut every morning and want to give up everything I have been given. Injustice shouldn't exist and is my motivation to keep moving forward and keep giving of my life and my heart. Avõ Rosa should be cared for and appreciated for everything she has accomplished in her life. She saved a girl from being killed and was kicked out of a village for the life of her granddaughter and now instead of being looked up to as wise and full of stories to pass along, she is taken advantage of and left to fend for herself. For avõ Rosa and the rest just like her, I will continue to run this race.
Avõ Rosa has lived quite the life. She is 71 years old and is currently raising her 3rd generation of children. She has cared for an albino granddaughter that everyone wanted to kill, she has raised great grandchildren that she walks to school every morning, she has worked in the fields every morning, made 3 meals a day for countless people for close to 65 years now. But in Mozambique, none of that matters. She is old and in the way. Everyone sees her as senile and someone to take advantage of. I have lived with her for 3 weeks now and have seen her go without meals and leave to go to the market and have family members come and take her clothes and not leave her with much of anything. She wears countless layers of clothing and at first I thought she had dementia, but it is because if she doesn't wear it, she won't have it. Every garment she wears has things tied into it. Money, cashews, peanuts, you name it, it's hidden in her garments. Don't get me wrong, African culture is very much so community but in Mozambique, the elderly have no rights. They are charged with crimes they didn't commit in order to get rid of them. Their families take from them what isn't fair to take. They go without meals when they work hard to farm and prepare the meals simply because someone else came and took their share. Injustice is all around, in all shapes and sizes, but Avõ Rosa and those her age are ones who suffer from more than the rest. the average life expectancy in Mozambique is 37 years old. This woman has almost doubled it and her reward is being treated more unjustly than the rest.
I have been hit in the face with injustice for most of my life, whether it be in Detroit, Jamaica, Trinidad, or on the Res and this trip is no different. From July 7th when I first stepped off the plane, I have been bombarded with things in this life that are simply not fair. Why am I typing on an iPad while the woman I am living with has to guard everything she owns in her clothes from her remaining family members, those who haven't died from HIV/AIDS or skin cancer or some other violent death? Why has she worked so hard for everything she has and I have been blessed immensely? No matter how long I spend in the mission field, I don't think I will ever understand injustice or be able to explain it, but I do know injustice is why I wake up in a grass hut every morning and want to give up everything I have been given. Injustice shouldn't exist and is my motivation to keep moving forward and keep giving of my life and my heart. Avõ Rosa should be cared for and appreciated for everything she has accomplished in her life. She saved a girl from being killed and was kicked out of a village for the life of her granddaughter and now instead of being looked up to as wise and full of stories to pass along, she is taken advantage of and left to fend for herself. For avõ Rosa and the rest just like her, I will continue to run this race.
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Avõ Rosa
(written 10/9/12)
Avõ Rosa has lived quite the life. She is 71 years old and is currently raising her 3rd generation of children. She has cared for an albino granddaughter that everyone wanted to kill, she has raised great grandchildren that she walks to school every morning, she has worked in the fields every morning, made 3 meals a day for countless people for close to 65 years now. But in Mozambique, none of that matters. She is old and in the way. Everyone sees her as senile and someone to take advantage of. I have lived with her for 3 weeks now and have seen her go without meals and leave to go to the market and have family members come and take her clothes and not leave her with much of anything. She wears countless layers of clothing and at first I thought she had dementia, but it is because if she doesn't wear it, she won't have it. Every garment she wears has things tied into it. Money, cashews, peanuts, you name it, it's hidden in her garments. Don't get me wrong, African culture is very much so community but in Mozambique, the elderly have no rights. They are charged with crimes they didn't commit in order to get rid of them. Their families take from them what isn't fair to take. They go without meals when they work hard to farm and prepare the meals simply because someone else came and took their share. Injustice is all around, in all shapes and sizes, but Avõ Rosa and those her age are ones who suffer from more than the rest. the average life expectancy in Mozambique is 37 years old. This woman has almost doubled it and her reward is being treated more unjustly than the rest.
I have been hit in the face with injustice for most of my life, whether it be in Detroit, Jamaica, Trinidad, or on the Res and this trip is no different. From July 7th when I first stepped off the plane, I have been bombarded with things in this life that are simply not fair. Why am I typing on an iPad while the woman I am living with has to guard everything she owns in her clothes from her remaining family members, those who haven't died from HIV/AIDS or skin cancer or some other violent death? Why has she worked so hard for everything she has and I have been blessed immensely? No matter how long I spend in the mission field, I don't think I will ever understand injustice or be able to explain it, but I do know injustice is why I wake up in a grass hut every morning and want to give up everything I have been given. Injustice shouldn't exist and is my motivation to keep moving forward and keep giving of my life and my heart. Avõ Rosa should be cared for and appreciated for everything she has accomplished in her life. She saved a girl from being killed and was kicked out of a village for the life of her granddaughter and now instead of being looked up to as wise and full of stories to pass along, she is taken advantage of and left to fend for herself. For avõ Rosa and the rest just like her, I will continue to run this race.
Avõ Rosa has lived quite the life. She is 71 years old and is currently raising her 3rd generation of children. She has cared for an albino granddaughter that everyone wanted to kill, she has raised great grandchildren that she walks to school every morning, she has worked in the fields every morning, made 3 meals a day for countless people for close to 65 years now. But in Mozambique, none of that matters. She is old and in the way. Everyone sees her as senile and someone to take advantage of. I have lived with her for 3 weeks now and have seen her go without meals and leave to go to the market and have family members come and take her clothes and not leave her with much of anything. She wears countless layers of clothing and at first I thought she had dementia, but it is because if she doesn't wear it, she won't have it. Every garment she wears has things tied into it. Money, cashews, peanuts, you name it, it's hidden in her garments. Don't get me wrong, African culture is very much so community but in Mozambique, the elderly have no rights. They are charged with crimes they didn't commit in order to get rid of them. Their families take from them what isn't fair to take. They go without meals when they work hard to farm and prepare the meals simply because someone else came and took their share. Injustice is all around, in all shapes and sizes, but Avõ Rosa and those her age are ones who suffer from more than the rest. the average life expectancy in Mozambique is 37 years old. This woman has almost doubled it and her reward is being treated more unjustly than the rest.
I have been hit in the face with injustice for most of my life, whether it be in Detroit, Jamaica, Trinidad, or on the Res and this trip is no different. From July 7th when I first stepped off the plane, I have been bombarded with things in this life that are simply not fair. Why am I typing on an iPad while the woman I am living with has to guard everything she owns in her clothes from her remaining family members, those who haven't died from HIV/AIDS or skin cancer or some other violent death? Why has she worked so hard for everything she has and I have been blessed immensely? No matter how long I spend in the mission field, I don't think I will ever understand injustice or be able to explain it, but I do know injustice is why I wake up in a grass hut every morning and want to give up everything I have been given. Injustice shouldn't exist and is my motivation to keep moving forward and keep giving of my life and my heart. Avõ Rosa should be cared for and appreciated for everything she has accomplished in her life. She saved a girl from being killed and was kicked out of a village for the life of her granddaughter and now instead of being looked up to as wise and full of stories to pass along, she is taken advantage of and left to fend for herself. For avõ Rosa and the rest just like her, I will continue to run this race.
"Exhausted yet Pursuing"
(written 10/3/12)
With only 2 1/2 weeks left here in Mocuba, Mozambique, not much has changed. I wake up earlier now and am allowed to help in the garden, then we hoist water onto our heads from the local well and take it back to the house. I have had the opportunity to crush cassava and sift it for our breakfast the next morning, which reminds me yet again that I need to carve out some time for some push ups. I have swept with branches and washed my clothes in the stream on rocks and with water you cant see thru, but this is all we have and somehow all my clothes are clean. All of our work is done before 8 am when it gets too hot to be in the sun. We start around 5:15 and pack as much in as possible. If it doesn't happen that day, it waits until the following day or dark when the kids bathe and there is no more sun. The rest of my day is spent on a mat. Or at the theatre, which is really a small television and a DVD player in a grass hut with rocks arranged to sit on. I have seen more Indian films with Portuguese dubbed over it with English subtitles than I ever really wanted to in my life, but my family has gone out of their way to take me to do something rather than sitting on a mat. Our work is physically exhausting in the morning, but I think sitting on a mat all day has become more and more exhausting. It's mentally exhausting being the only white person within a few miles and being alone in this particular village and being stared at constantly and having questions fired at you with the inability to answer. Emotionally, when people laugh and talk about you constantly without knowing what they're laughing at or how to do the work they gave you correctly, the days can get extremely exhausting. But this week, in my time in the word on my mat, I stumbled on a verse in 1 Samuel, David and his mighty men are out fighting and as they continue their raids, and in the midst of the accounts, there is a 3 word phrase. "Exhausted, yet pursuing" Of all the words in the English dictionary, exhausted is probably the absolute best one to describe how I completely feel. But David and his men were fighting for the freedom of Israel and I'm sure the only word they could find to describe how they felt was exhausted. Yet they continued to pursue. Just like David and his men, God has called me to continue to pursue and trust in His plan as I move forward in His perfect timing. In 1 Peter 4:13 it says, "But rejoice insofar as you share Christ's sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when His glory is revealed." I am reminded once again that I am not here for my desires or my plans but for His glory to be revealed. So for the sake of His glory, even tho I am exhausted, I will pursue and do everything He has called us to and make the absolute most of my time left here.
With only 2 1/2 weeks left here in Mocuba, Mozambique, not much has changed. I wake up earlier now and am allowed to help in the garden, then we hoist water onto our heads from the local well and take it back to the house. I have had the opportunity to crush cassava and sift it for our breakfast the next morning, which reminds me yet again that I need to carve out some time for some push ups. I have swept with branches and washed my clothes in the stream on rocks and with water you cant see thru, but this is all we have and somehow all my clothes are clean. All of our work is done before 8 am when it gets too hot to be in the sun. We start around 5:15 and pack as much in as possible. If it doesn't happen that day, it waits until the following day or dark when the kids bathe and there is no more sun. The rest of my day is spent on a mat. Or at the theatre, which is really a small television and a DVD player in a grass hut with rocks arranged to sit on. I have seen more Indian films with Portuguese dubbed over it with English subtitles than I ever really wanted to in my life, but my family has gone out of their way to take me to do something rather than sitting on a mat. Our work is physically exhausting in the morning, but I think sitting on a mat all day has become more and more exhausting. It's mentally exhausting being the only white person within a few miles and being alone in this particular village and being stared at constantly and having questions fired at you with the inability to answer. Emotionally, when people laugh and talk about you constantly without knowing what they're laughing at or how to do the work they gave you correctly, the days can get extremely exhausting. But this week, in my time in the word on my mat, I stumbled on a verse in 1 Samuel, David and his mighty men are out fighting and as they continue their raids, and in the midst of the accounts, there is a 3 word phrase. "Exhausted, yet pursuing" Of all the words in the English dictionary, exhausted is probably the absolute best one to describe how I completely feel. But David and his men were fighting for the freedom of Israel and I'm sure the only word they could find to describe how they felt was exhausted. Yet they continued to pursue. Just like David and his men, God has called me to continue to pursue and trust in His plan as I move forward in His perfect timing. In 1 Peter 4:13 it says, "But rejoice insofar as you share Christ's sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when His glory is revealed." I am reminded once again that I am not here for my desires or my plans but for His glory to be revealed. So for the sake of His glory, even tho I am exhausted, I will pursue and do everything He has called us to and make the absolute most of my time left here.
Point of view
(written 9/24/11)
The longer I am gone, the harder and more challenging life becomes. This 6 weeks in Mozambique may just turn out to be the hardest 6 weeks of my life, but they may also be the time when I see God move the most. It all depends on my point of view.
After traveling for 70 hours on a public bus, not counting stops and layovers, we arrived in Mocuba, Mozambique. We were let off of the bus on the side of the road and waited for our community partner, Donnie, to go for our transportation. Before we knew it, here comes Donnie, on the back of a 49 cc motorbike with 13 following behind him...one for each of us. So we strapped on our packs, some more hesitant than others, and climbed on. I have to say, I have never ridden on the back of a bike with a 50 lb. pack on, but it was by far a highlight of the trip and a much needed surprise after 5 long travel days.
After 4 days of orientation at Bernadette's house (the local missionary who is our contact in Mocuba and doing great things with and for the people here), we headed out to our host families. My avõ (grannie in Portuguese, yet another language we are trying to tackle) takes care of 2 children, Jame and Esperansa. They are her great-grandchildren and the children of her albino granddaughter that she took in when the rest of her family, including her mother and father wanted to kill her. Jame and Esperansa are the third generation of kids Avõ Rosa is caring for and raising. The house we live in is about as large as my room at home. There are 2 bed frames with bamboo mats on top that the kids sleep on in one room and avõ sleeps on in another. I sleep on my own bamboo mats and a sleeping pad I brought on the ground in my own room under my own mosquito netting. Malaria is very prevalent here, but avõ Jame and Esperansa don't seem to worry or take any precautions. In the other room of our dark, mud hut covered in twigs, the chickens live. We have a few chickens and some chicks that roam the property during the day but know as soon as the sun goes down to come back inside the house for shelter and food. My first day in the house, I was woken up by a chicken mistaking my open doorway for the escape to the outside world and tried to jump through my mosquito net. I jumped awake and avõ Rosa just laughed and picked him up and took him outside. Avõ Rosa and the kids wake up with the sun around 5 am. I am left to sleep until around 7 when she wakes me up to wash my face, brush my teeth, and eat breakfast. We sweep the porch and some of the property and then sit on the stoop under the shade for hours. Sometimes, avõ sends me back to bed until its bath time, where I am taken out to a large bush in the field behind our house and given a pail of water that her or one of the kids went and fetched from the well for me and she graciously heated over the fire (that doesn't usually happen, it's usually freezing cold water). In the culture here, everyone sees everything about each other and unless its a male seeing a female, no one thinks twice about it. In addition to bathing, there is a naturally made pit shortly past the bush where I go to the bathroom. There are leaves and loose dirt to cover up any mess I leave behind, and at night, when it's dark, we simply dig holes near the house and do what we need to. After I bathe, it's back to the mats for lunch. Food here consists of a maize and cassava mixture that serves as the staple for picking up food, we eat with our hands, beans, rice, and sometimes leaves of a plant similar to a pumpkin. In the morning, we have ground cassava and sugar know as pop or porridge. Sometimes, someone brings sugar cane that we rip apart with our teeth and chew, sometimes, small peanuts appear and we eat them. Other than that, food is very basic and prepared in a very basic way over the fire. For special occasions, they will kill and eat one of their chickens, but that includes the chicken being literally divided into how many people are there, bones and all. Most meals are the exact same, but some have one different dish or a different order in which they set it out in order to change the flavor. Everyone eats with their hands. Everyone shares the same bowl or plate. Everyone washes their hands in the same bowl of water before and after the meal. Everyone sits together on the ground. Everything in the society is shared and from a communal stance. No one is alone, nothing is done simply for one. If there is left over, it is shared among all, no matter how poor the ones are who are sharing it. After lunch, avõ and I lay on the bamboo mat that she has laid out for us under the shade. She positions me perfectly on the mat and pulls my ponytail every time my head moves to put me back in her perfect place. When we wake up, we have lessons. Not of Portuguese at my house, no, avõ speaks lomway. A native language. She speaks about as much Portuguese as I do, but unlike me, she is in her 70's and has decided she doesn't need to learn anymore and anyone who makes fun of her, she is going to simply laugh at. Which she did the other day as we visited the market. She put on her one pair of sandals, without any bottoms, and her most beautiful printed skirt, and grabbed her basket and we went. We walked to get potatoes and stopped to get some fried bread on the way, because she insists on feeding me tons because I am far too skinny to ever find a husband here (good thing I'm not looking). Once we made it to the market, after stopping to feed her daughter and grand kids bread that I hadn't eaten, she bought the potatoes, put them in her basket, hoisted them on her head, and back we went. She bent down to fix her shoes, she stopped to see more friends, we walked down hills, and that basket never moved once, nor did she touch it with her hands. From what I can guess, she has been carrying things this way, as well as all the other women, since she was no more than 5 years old. After we went to the market, we went back to our mat until it was time for dinner. We sit together, sometimes I learn lomway, sometimes we sit in silence, sometimes I read my bible, sometimes kids from the surrounding villages come to see the mazugu (white person), but always, always I am praying. Sometimes, actually many times, it's for God to allow me to see with His eyes because not being allowed to do anything, sitting all day long, being waited on, is not why we a here. But His plan is perfect and His timing is everything. We are the absolute first group to ever stay with these people in their homes. The mentality of Africa is that white people are closer to God than they are so we must be served. We are guests to people that are more frightened of us than we are of them. We understand and speak none or very little of their language. Building trust and earning our rights in the community is going to take some time. Emotionally and psychologically its extremely hard to sit with a complete stranger, in silence, quite a distance from the closest person you know with nothing but endless time on your hands to think and for the devil to mess with and plant lies in our minds. However, it is my choice, my point of view when I look at my situation and the place God has called me to that I can change. Sure, I can look at it and count down the amount of days till I'm on a bus out of here (and honestly, I do know that number and sometimes can't wait) but if all I'm focused on is when I get to leave, what is the point of being here? God didn't call us here just to survive these 6 weeks, He called us here to start challenging the norms and to learn from a culture that is completely different from our own. He called us here "for such a time as this" and His plan was never for us just to survive. My flesh may struggle every single minute we are here, but that doesn't mean my spirit has to. If I change my point of view to see what He sees and love the way He loves, how much more will we accomplish here, rather than just surviving?
The longer I am gone, the harder and more challenging life becomes. This 6 weeks in Mozambique may just turn out to be the hardest 6 weeks of my life, but they may also be the time when I see God move the most. It all depends on my point of view.
After traveling for 70 hours on a public bus, not counting stops and layovers, we arrived in Mocuba, Mozambique. We were let off of the bus on the side of the road and waited for our community partner, Donnie, to go for our transportation. Before we knew it, here comes Donnie, on the back of a 49 cc motorbike with 13 following behind him...one for each of us. So we strapped on our packs, some more hesitant than others, and climbed on. I have to say, I have never ridden on the back of a bike with a 50 lb. pack on, but it was by far a highlight of the trip and a much needed surprise after 5 long travel days.
After 4 days of orientation at Bernadette's house (the local missionary who is our contact in Mocuba and doing great things with and for the people here), we headed out to our host families. My avõ (grannie in Portuguese, yet another language we are trying to tackle) takes care of 2 children, Jame and Esperansa. They are her great-grandchildren and the children of her albino granddaughter that she took in when the rest of her family, including her mother and father wanted to kill her. Jame and Esperansa are the third generation of kids Avõ Rosa is caring for and raising. The house we live in is about as large as my room at home. There are 2 bed frames with bamboo mats on top that the kids sleep on in one room and avõ sleeps on in another. I sleep on my own bamboo mats and a sleeping pad I brought on the ground in my own room under my own mosquito netting. Malaria is very prevalent here, but avõ Jame and Esperansa don't seem to worry or take any precautions. In the other room of our dark, mud hut covered in twigs, the chickens live. We have a few chickens and some chicks that roam the property during the day but know as soon as the sun goes down to come back inside the house for shelter and food. My first day in the house, I was woken up by a chicken mistaking my open doorway for the escape to the outside world and tried to jump through my mosquito net. I jumped awake and avõ Rosa just laughed and picked him up and took him outside. Avõ Rosa and the kids wake up with the sun around 5 am. I am left to sleep until around 7 when she wakes me up to wash my face, brush my teeth, and eat breakfast. We sweep the porch and some of the property and then sit on the stoop under the shade for hours. Sometimes, avõ sends me back to bed until its bath time, where I am taken out to a large bush in the field behind our house and given a pail of water that her or one of the kids went and fetched from the well for me and she graciously heated over the fire (that doesn't usually happen, it's usually freezing cold water). In the culture here, everyone sees everything about each other and unless its a male seeing a female, no one thinks twice about it. In addition to bathing, there is a naturally made pit shortly past the bush where I go to the bathroom. There are leaves and loose dirt to cover up any mess I leave behind, and at night, when it's dark, we simply dig holes near the house and do what we need to. After I bathe, it's back to the mats for lunch. Food here consists of a maize and cassava mixture that serves as the staple for picking up food, we eat with our hands, beans, rice, and sometimes leaves of a plant similar to a pumpkin. In the morning, we have ground cassava and sugar know as pop or porridge. Sometimes, someone brings sugar cane that we rip apart with our teeth and chew, sometimes, small peanuts appear and we eat them. Other than that, food is very basic and prepared in a very basic way over the fire. For special occasions, they will kill and eat one of their chickens, but that includes the chicken being literally divided into how many people are there, bones and all. Most meals are the exact same, but some have one different dish or a different order in which they set it out in order to change the flavor. Everyone eats with their hands. Everyone shares the same bowl or plate. Everyone washes their hands in the same bowl of water before and after the meal. Everyone sits together on the ground. Everything in the society is shared and from a communal stance. No one is alone, nothing is done simply for one. If there is left over, it is shared among all, no matter how poor the ones are who are sharing it. After lunch, avõ and I lay on the bamboo mat that she has laid out for us under the shade. She positions me perfectly on the mat and pulls my ponytail every time my head moves to put me back in her perfect place. When we wake up, we have lessons. Not of Portuguese at my house, no, avõ speaks lomway. A native language. She speaks about as much Portuguese as I do, but unlike me, she is in her 70's and has decided she doesn't need to learn anymore and anyone who makes fun of her, she is going to simply laugh at. Which she did the other day as we visited the market. She put on her one pair of sandals, without any bottoms, and her most beautiful printed skirt, and grabbed her basket and we went. We walked to get potatoes and stopped to get some fried bread on the way, because she insists on feeding me tons because I am far too skinny to ever find a husband here (good thing I'm not looking). Once we made it to the market, after stopping to feed her daughter and grand kids bread that I hadn't eaten, she bought the potatoes, put them in her basket, hoisted them on her head, and back we went. She bent down to fix her shoes, she stopped to see more friends, we walked down hills, and that basket never moved once, nor did she touch it with her hands. From what I can guess, she has been carrying things this way, as well as all the other women, since she was no more than 5 years old. After we went to the market, we went back to our mat until it was time for dinner. We sit together, sometimes I learn lomway, sometimes we sit in silence, sometimes I read my bible, sometimes kids from the surrounding villages come to see the mazugu (white person), but always, always I am praying. Sometimes, actually many times, it's for God to allow me to see with His eyes because not being allowed to do anything, sitting all day long, being waited on, is not why we a here. But His plan is perfect and His timing is everything. We are the absolute first group to ever stay with these people in their homes. The mentality of Africa is that white people are closer to God than they are so we must be served. We are guests to people that are more frightened of us than we are of them. We understand and speak none or very little of their language. Building trust and earning our rights in the community is going to take some time. Emotionally and psychologically its extremely hard to sit with a complete stranger, in silence, quite a distance from the closest person you know with nothing but endless time on your hands to think and for the devil to mess with and plant lies in our minds. However, it is my choice, my point of view when I look at my situation and the place God has called me to that I can change. Sure, I can look at it and count down the amount of days till I'm on a bus out of here (and honestly, I do know that number and sometimes can't wait) but if all I'm focused on is when I get to leave, what is the point of being here? God didn't call us here just to survive these 6 weeks, He called us here to start challenging the norms and to learn from a culture that is completely different from our own. He called us here "for such a time as this" and His plan was never for us just to survive. My flesh may struggle every single minute we are here, but that doesn't mean my spirit has to. If I change my point of view to see what He sees and love the way He loves, how much more will we accomplish here, rather than just surviving?
Hello Mozambique
Written (9/14/12)
Well, I'm sitting on my bed in a church in Maputo, Mozambique. We have been traveling by bus for 2 days and still have 2 days of traveling left, but God is good and His favor and timing has been perfect. We got our visas in 3 hours, it normally takes at least 24. We crossed the border into Mozambique rather quickly and have had just the best possible experiences. Yes, we are definitely in Africa, that was made very evident today as we rushed the gates of customs to get in and as we got off our bus into a flatbed truck with all of our packs and teammates sitting together holding on to the truck frame as we drove thru the capital city. People took pictures of us as we drove, but not because of how packed in we were, that's normal, but that many Americans in one place at one time isn't a common occurrence. (PS, sorry mom for scaring you, but we're all just fine!)
As I have been thinking about Mozambique and praying about what God has for me specifically there, He gave me this verse. "But thanks be to God, who in Christ ALWAYS leads us in triumphal procession, and through us spreads the fragrance of the knowledge of him everywhere." ~ 2 Corinthians 2:14. The country of Mozambique speaks primarily Portugese, I do not. The grannies we will be living with speak a mix of different tribal languages, I do not. No one here, other than government officials speak English well enough to have a conversation with us or help us out. Some of my teammates are nervous about not being able to communicate with the grannies, others are concerned that their non-verbal communication will give the wrong interpretation of what they are thinking. But as I read this verse, I was reminded that He is going before us always. He knew the plan of this trip and designed it perfectly for His glory and so the fragrance of the knowledge of him would be spread everywhere thru us. That reassurance, has brought immense peace to my heart and allowed me to see our lack of communication in a different light.
Sometimes, my words get me into trouble. Sometimes, I open my mouth before i think, or I open my mouth before I listen, or worse, I open my mouth before I pray. God tells us to "be still and know [he is] God." I can confess that I don't always operate that way. I don't take time to be still or silent and listen to what He has for me to say. But with my ability to speak taken away, I have no choice but to listen. And if I can't listen to my host family, I have exponential time to listen to my Father. I've heard it said to "preach the gospel every day and if necessary, use words." My actions will be my testimony, my life will paint the picture Jesus has for the people I am living with to learn. There have been days in the past, at home, that I have tried to spend completely silent. If I'm out and about running errands alone, or spending the day relaxing with nothing to do I try to listen and watch the people around me more than I ever have. It's incredible the things I have learned and been able to see jut from watching. I don't do this very often, because let's be honest, how many days can we spend completely silent, but I'm excited to see what God does with my minimal communication and how He challenges me and my heart. I know it's not going to be an easy 6 weeks, but I believe it will be the most meaningful 6 weeks on the trip and I know that I will look differently at communication and speaking because the more time I spend in missions, the more I learn about my mouth and the things I say. My desire in everything I do is that I must decrease so He may increase. If that means my words are fewer, and He has more ability to speak to and thru me, then so be it. I want nothing more.
Well, I'm sitting on my bed in a church in Maputo, Mozambique. We have been traveling by bus for 2 days and still have 2 days of traveling left, but God is good and His favor and timing has been perfect. We got our visas in 3 hours, it normally takes at least 24. We crossed the border into Mozambique rather quickly and have had just the best possible experiences. Yes, we are definitely in Africa, that was made very evident today as we rushed the gates of customs to get in and as we got off our bus into a flatbed truck with all of our packs and teammates sitting together holding on to the truck frame as we drove thru the capital city. People took pictures of us as we drove, but not because of how packed in we were, that's normal, but that many Americans in one place at one time isn't a common occurrence. (PS, sorry mom for scaring you, but we're all just fine!)
As I have been thinking about Mozambique and praying about what God has for me specifically there, He gave me this verse. "But thanks be to God, who in Christ ALWAYS leads us in triumphal procession, and through us spreads the fragrance of the knowledge of him everywhere." ~ 2 Corinthians 2:14. The country of Mozambique speaks primarily Portugese, I do not. The grannies we will be living with speak a mix of different tribal languages, I do not. No one here, other than government officials speak English well enough to have a conversation with us or help us out. Some of my teammates are nervous about not being able to communicate with the grannies, others are concerned that their non-verbal communication will give the wrong interpretation of what they are thinking. But as I read this verse, I was reminded that He is going before us always. He knew the plan of this trip and designed it perfectly for His glory and so the fragrance of the knowledge of him would be spread everywhere thru us. That reassurance, has brought immense peace to my heart and allowed me to see our lack of communication in a different light.
Sometimes, my words get me into trouble. Sometimes, I open my mouth before i think, or I open my mouth before I listen, or worse, I open my mouth before I pray. God tells us to "be still and know [he is] God." I can confess that I don't always operate that way. I don't take time to be still or silent and listen to what He has for me to say. But with my ability to speak taken away, I have no choice but to listen. And if I can't listen to my host family, I have exponential time to listen to my Father. I've heard it said to "preach the gospel every day and if necessary, use words." My actions will be my testimony, my life will paint the picture Jesus has for the people I am living with to learn. There have been days in the past, at home, that I have tried to spend completely silent. If I'm out and about running errands alone, or spending the day relaxing with nothing to do I try to listen and watch the people around me more than I ever have. It's incredible the things I have learned and been able to see jut from watching. I don't do this very often, because let's be honest, how many days can we spend completely silent, but I'm excited to see what God does with my minimal communication and how He challenges me and my heart. I know it's not going to be an easy 6 weeks, but I believe it will be the most meaningful 6 weeks on the trip and I know that I will look differently at communication and speaking because the more time I spend in missions, the more I learn about my mouth and the things I say. My desire in everything I do is that I must decrease so He may increase. If that means my words are fewer, and He has more ability to speak to and thru me, then so be it. I want nothing more.
Farewell Lambert's Bay
Written (9/9/12)
As I sit on my bed in Lambert's Bay and the reality of the fact that I have only 2 more days here has begun to sink in, finding words to describe my feelings is not easy. We attended our "closing ceremony" tonight at Reverend Phillips church, where our host families attend and were so kindly talked about and thanked for everything we did in Lambert's Bay and the impact we have had in the community. The entire time, I was in awe of our Creator for even allowing me to be part of this team. I truly don't believe I did anything in Lambert's Bay, but as we talk to more and more people and hear more and more stories about what we have done and the impact we have made, I cannot help but be more and more in awe of God and see His glory in everything we have been blessed to be a part of. As Hein wrapped up our time here in the service tonight from our side and just thanking the community for allowing us into their homes and lives, he used this verse from Philemon 7 and I love how perfectly it summarizes our time here. "For I have derived much joy and comfort from your love, my brother, because the hearts of the saints have been refreshed through you." we have seen such a change in the hearts of the people here and just the joy in which they do life. From our host families, to the care givers, to the kitchen staff, everyone has more joy and are encouraged to keep doing what they do for God's glory because of the love we showed them and the dignity we gave them when it comes to the things God has called them to or placed them in. We have heard that new friendships have formed within the host families and age old grudges have slowly been released for the good of the community and the unity of the group and church. The care givers have a new found passion and pride for what they do after Americans, including and an American sister of nursing came and spoke truth and encouraging words over what they do. Countless people stop Hein and Helene in the shop and ask if they can host an American next time, where as when we were in America for training, we weren't sure if we would have enough for 6 host families. Not only have changes happened on the colored side of the community, but on the white side as well. I can't count how many conversations I have had with a white person who is amazed to hear I'm living with the colored people. They ask all sorts of questions that honestly make me feel like I'm living through the period in the U. S. when blacks and whites didn't use the same toilets because the blacks were thought to carry different diseases. But 1 by 1, our conversations are beginning to change the ideas of the white people as well. While we were walking thru the community every morning, bright and early, wondering what good we were doing, we were doing tons more than we could ever imagine. Our goal was never to come here and change the entire place in 6 weeks and leave, but we have encouraged everyone we can and many people have seen the benefits of what we have done and the approach we have taken and are committed to not only continuing on the heart of our mission, but finding ways to create new movements and better the community in new ways. These people saw our love and our hearts and are motivated to do something now in their own community rather than trying to just "get out of this terrible place." Personally, I could not have imagined a better outcome for the first trip of EM to Lambert's Bay and for the first team of Americans to show the people of Lambert's Bay Jesus and hope in a whole new way. I hope to come back to Lambert's Bay in the not too distant future and I truly believe that things will be changed even more for the better.
From the very first day at the day care, my heart was given to this little boy. He came up to me when we were playing duck duck goose and promptly sat in my lap. He played with my ring and would not move. Every day we visited the day care, he would come running up to me and never let go. Every day as I tried to say goodbye, he refused to let go. His arms and legs would wrap tighter around my body and would not let go. On our last day with the kids, he tried with all his might to give me a kiss on the lips goodbye. I finally relented and let this adorable little man, who I had prayed over countless times, give me a big slobbery kiss on the lips. I had never seen him smile so big and he pretty much never stops smiling. After we left, Auntie Valerie, the coordinator of the day care, told Mark about how much my love on this particular little boy meant. What you can't see is that he has no teeth, not because they haven't come in, but because they have all rotted out of his mouth. He is extremely small for his age and always has a runny nose and mostly the same clothes on every day. But I didn't see those things and that kiss that I got from that little boy meant more than any words I could have ever heard. Saying goodbye to him left me with part of my heart missing, but the smile on his face and love in his heart was worth every tear and every second of pain I felt.
Written (9/11/12)
We had a dinner tonight to honor our host families and thank them and the community members that have been with us along the way in Lambert's Bay. As I stood with the rest of my team to one by one thank our host families, I was overcome by emotion. Yes, my host family and I struggled at times to feel connected, but the thought of not being able to say "Huya Mora" to Auntie Jess before she could say "Good Morning" or not coming home to Uncle Nevile sitting at the dining room table working and making the house safe, or not having Je-Nauvan run around the house all day and make silly faces at me (most of which, I taught him), or not having conversations with Lucy every night before I went to bed was one of the hardest realizations to come to. They took me in and I truly felt like part of the family and they truly felt like I was one of their own. I have never been in a host family type situation, but I will gladly do it again if it means being part of a family like the Kaumfers.
As I sit on my bed in Lambert's Bay and the reality of the fact that I have only 2 more days here has begun to sink in, finding words to describe my feelings is not easy. We attended our "closing ceremony" tonight at Reverend Phillips church, where our host families attend and were so kindly talked about and thanked for everything we did in Lambert's Bay and the impact we have had in the community. The entire time, I was in awe of our Creator for even allowing me to be part of this team. I truly don't believe I did anything in Lambert's Bay, but as we talk to more and more people and hear more and more stories about what we have done and the impact we have made, I cannot help but be more and more in awe of God and see His glory in everything we have been blessed to be a part of. As Hein wrapped up our time here in the service tonight from our side and just thanking the community for allowing us into their homes and lives, he used this verse from Philemon 7 and I love how perfectly it summarizes our time here. "For I have derived much joy and comfort from your love, my brother, because the hearts of the saints have been refreshed through you." we have seen such a change in the hearts of the people here and just the joy in which they do life. From our host families, to the care givers, to the kitchen staff, everyone has more joy and are encouraged to keep doing what they do for God's glory because of the love we showed them and the dignity we gave them when it comes to the things God has called them to or placed them in. We have heard that new friendships have formed within the host families and age old grudges have slowly been released for the good of the community and the unity of the group and church. The care givers have a new found passion and pride for what they do after Americans, including and an American sister of nursing came and spoke truth and encouraging words over what they do. Countless people stop Hein and Helene in the shop and ask if they can host an American next time, where as when we were in America for training, we weren't sure if we would have enough for 6 host families. Not only have changes happened on the colored side of the community, but on the white side as well. I can't count how many conversations I have had with a white person who is amazed to hear I'm living with the colored people. They ask all sorts of questions that honestly make me feel like I'm living through the period in the U. S. when blacks and whites didn't use the same toilets because the blacks were thought to carry different diseases. But 1 by 1, our conversations are beginning to change the ideas of the white people as well. While we were walking thru the community every morning, bright and early, wondering what good we were doing, we were doing tons more than we could ever imagine. Our goal was never to come here and change the entire place in 6 weeks and leave, but we have encouraged everyone we can and many people have seen the benefits of what we have done and the approach we have taken and are committed to not only continuing on the heart of our mission, but finding ways to create new movements and better the community in new ways. These people saw our love and our hearts and are motivated to do something now in their own community rather than trying to just "get out of this terrible place." Personally, I could not have imagined a better outcome for the first trip of EM to Lambert's Bay and for the first team of Americans to show the people of Lambert's Bay Jesus and hope in a whole new way. I hope to come back to Lambert's Bay in the not too distant future and I truly believe that things will be changed even more for the better.
From the very first day at the day care, my heart was given to this little boy. He came up to me when we were playing duck duck goose and promptly sat in my lap. He played with my ring and would not move. Every day we visited the day care, he would come running up to me and never let go. Every day as I tried to say goodbye, he refused to let go. His arms and legs would wrap tighter around my body and would not let go. On our last day with the kids, he tried with all his might to give me a kiss on the lips goodbye. I finally relented and let this adorable little man, who I had prayed over countless times, give me a big slobbery kiss on the lips. I had never seen him smile so big and he pretty much never stops smiling. After we left, Auntie Valerie, the coordinator of the day care, told Mark about how much my love on this particular little boy meant. What you can't see is that he has no teeth, not because they haven't come in, but because they have all rotted out of his mouth. He is extremely small for his age and always has a runny nose and mostly the same clothes on every day. But I didn't see those things and that kiss that I got from that little boy meant more than any words I could have ever heard. Saying goodbye to him left me with part of my heart missing, but the smile on his face and love in his heart was worth every tear and every second of pain I felt.
Written (9/11/12)
We had a dinner tonight to honor our host families and thank them and the community members that have been with us along the way in Lambert's Bay. As I stood with the rest of my team to one by one thank our host families, I was overcome by emotion. Yes, my host family and I struggled at times to feel connected, but the thought of not being able to say "Huya Mora" to Auntie Jess before she could say "Good Morning" or not coming home to Uncle Nevile sitting at the dining room table working and making the house safe, or not having Je-Nauvan run around the house all day and make silly faces at me (most of which, I taught him), or not having conversations with Lucy every night before I went to bed was one of the hardest realizations to come to. They took me in and I truly felt like part of the family and they truly felt like I was one of their own. I have never been in a host family type situation, but I will gladly do it again if it means being part of a family like the Kaumfers.
"Groanings too deep for words"
Written (9/8/12)
Have you ever had one of those days that starts really well, but by the end of it, it feels like its been 4 weeks and you are emotionally, physically, and spiritually spent? Unfortunately, Monday was one of those days for me. Monday started off great, right in the middle of God's plan. My final week in Lambert's Bay was starting with beautiful sunny skies and warm weather, which was quite the change from the 37-40 degree weather we had had for the past few weeks. Without going into detail, my day changed within hours and the rest of the day was spent not knowing which end was up. I made many of calls to the U.S. and to Kenya talking thru the situation with my parents and Drew, but it didn't make anything easier. The reality was still there and my body was drained in every sense of the word. However, I knew that I needed time on my knees with my Savior. One of my favorite places to be is on my knees, no matter what is going on in my life, but Monday, it was the only place I felt safe. As I began to pray, God's spirit overwhelmed me with peace and the word to "stand on the truth I know." In reference to my situation, it was exactly that word I needed. But as my week went on and reality started to set in more and more, prayer became harder and harder. I wasn't angry with God or frustrated, or any negative feeling. I simply didn't know what to say. I felt like I was in a fog that I simply didn't know the way out of, but I knew He was all I needed. As my week went on and my ability to pray didn't come back as quickly as I would have liked, I couldn't help but remember this verse..."Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words." ~ Romans 8:25-26. I felt an incredible peace that I cannot describe. One that I hadn't felt before. I didn't feel the pressure to pray or feel like I forced a prayer I didn't mean anymore. The Holy Spirit was interceding FOR me. On the days I truly felt like all I could do was say good morning to God and give Him my day, the Holy Spirit was doing what I couldn't. And on top of that, I found out later, that there were people in at least 4 countries around the world praying for me and the situation I was walking through. The power of prayer in undeniable, but to know the Holy Spirit is interceding as well for me, is a feeling I cannot describe. So know that wherever you are today and what you are going thru, first that I am praying for you and the timing of you reading this blog that God will use it in the perfect way, but there are others interceding for you and if that isn't enough, the Holy Spirit is interceding for you with "groanings too deep for words" and He is there with you in the midst of whatever battle you are fighting and here's the best part....He's already won it. Plain and simple. So hold to that truth and find comfort and peace in the intercedings of those who love and care about you, including the Holy Spirit.
Have you ever had one of those days that starts really well, but by the end of it, it feels like its been 4 weeks and you are emotionally, physically, and spiritually spent? Unfortunately, Monday was one of those days for me. Monday started off great, right in the middle of God's plan. My final week in Lambert's Bay was starting with beautiful sunny skies and warm weather, which was quite the change from the 37-40 degree weather we had had for the past few weeks. Without going into detail, my day changed within hours and the rest of the day was spent not knowing which end was up. I made many of calls to the U.S. and to Kenya talking thru the situation with my parents and Drew, but it didn't make anything easier. The reality was still there and my body was drained in every sense of the word. However, I knew that I needed time on my knees with my Savior. One of my favorite places to be is on my knees, no matter what is going on in my life, but Monday, it was the only place I felt safe. As I began to pray, God's spirit overwhelmed me with peace and the word to "stand on the truth I know." In reference to my situation, it was exactly that word I needed. But as my week went on and reality started to set in more and more, prayer became harder and harder. I wasn't angry with God or frustrated, or any negative feeling. I simply didn't know what to say. I felt like I was in a fog that I simply didn't know the way out of, but I knew He was all I needed. As my week went on and my ability to pray didn't come back as quickly as I would have liked, I couldn't help but remember this verse..."Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words." ~ Romans 8:25-26. I felt an incredible peace that I cannot describe. One that I hadn't felt before. I didn't feel the pressure to pray or feel like I forced a prayer I didn't mean anymore. The Holy Spirit was interceding FOR me. On the days I truly felt like all I could do was say good morning to God and give Him my day, the Holy Spirit was doing what I couldn't. And on top of that, I found out later, that there were people in at least 4 countries around the world praying for me and the situation I was walking through. The power of prayer in undeniable, but to know the Holy Spirit is interceding as well for me, is a feeling I cannot describe. So know that wherever you are today and what you are going thru, first that I am praying for you and the timing of you reading this blog that God will use it in the perfect way, but there are others interceding for you and if that isn't enough, the Holy Spirit is interceding for you with "groanings too deep for words" and He is there with you in the midst of whatever battle you are fighting and here's the best part....He's already won it. Plain and simple. So hold to that truth and find comfort and peace in the intercedings of those who love and care about you, including the Holy Spirit.
Monday, September 3, 2012
Always worth the wait
Written (8/31/12)
I don't think I would ever describe myself as a patient person. To be honest, I don't think anyone who has ever met me would describe me as a patient person. But the more time I spend on the mission field, the more I learn about waiting.
From my very first day in Lambert's Bay the nurses and caregivers learned of my degree and my experience in nursing. At first, I was concerned that it would be a barrier to ministry, that the caregivers would feel intimidated or like they had to be on their best behavior and best skill level around me. Many mornings started with a comment from the caregiver I was walking with about how she had the sister with her today and had to do her best. I explained how I was simply here to join their efforts and see what they did and how they treated their patients. The more time I spent with them, the more I saw how the love and care they give their patients is on a level that I have never seen. I was extremely challenged to love my patients and care about every aspect of their lives, not just the medical aspect. Their approach allowed me to encourage them and opened a door to talk about how they are doing an incredible job and I was challenged to do better in my job by them. Every time we went out, I didn't do a thing. I watched, supported, and encouraged them but didn't even get to know what a blood pressure reading was. That is until today. This morning, two of the caregivers went to a primary school to do physicals on the kids and make sure their immunizations were up to date. The auntie that chooses who goes with which caregiver chose Cailee and I to go to the school. We went to the clinic, picked up the sister in charge of the clinic who was doing the assessments and headed to the school. When we got to the school, they handed me the syringes, needles, and the vials of medication and told me to give the vaccines. Just like that. I didn't ask. I didn't do anything but respect the people working in the field for 4 weeks and waited for them to accept me. After the session was over at the school, the sister asked me to go to another primary school on Monday and help with the same thing, only this time there will be four times the amount of kids and I will be giving all the vaccines. In addition to this invitation, she invited me to come to the clinic and help her complete her work as a nurse all week until we leave for Mozambique. The caregivers told me how i talked to the right person because she not only works at the clinic, she's in charge of the clinic.
What I haven't shared is that when they found out about me being a nurse, both Hein and one of the sisters were very excited about possible future medical advances and trips. As I began to pray about it more and more, I felt a pull to offer myself as a contact and liaison between the two. They want me to sit down with them prior to me leaving and figure out what the community needs and what they identify as their needs, as well as talk to Hein about what future medical teams would need to include or focus on. I have offered to come back a few times a year or when I'm needed to help facilitate the trips because I have relationships with the people here in the medical services already. I was extremely nervous about it and stepping on toes and starting something that will ultimately harm the community when the Americans leave. But today, after 4 weeks of respecting and waiting, my relationship with the sister went deeper. I mean, I only have a week left here in Lambert's Bay before my team goes to Mozambique for 6 weeks (can you believe that we have been here for 5 weeks already?!) but I'm reminded once again that Gods timing is perfect and actively waiting for His plan to unfold creates more opportunities and more blessings than I could have ever imagined.
I have seen the benefit of patience and respect in a very really way today and am more challenged than ever to trust in His plan and do everything possible to respect and dignify the people I am living with and ministering to. I don't know what you're waiting for in your life, but I know that Gods timing is perfect and no matter how long it's been, He is laying the foundations and groundwork for His perfect plan and timing. Trust in that. Wait on Him, but be ready to step into His promises and His opportunities as soon as they come about because He has designed that moments perfectly for His glory. He wants to use you in every way He can and has great plans for you, but we must be patient and actively wait for His direction and timing, because it's always worth the wait.
I don't think I would ever describe myself as a patient person. To be honest, I don't think anyone who has ever met me would describe me as a patient person. But the more time I spend on the mission field, the more I learn about waiting.
From my very first day in Lambert's Bay the nurses and caregivers learned of my degree and my experience in nursing. At first, I was concerned that it would be a barrier to ministry, that the caregivers would feel intimidated or like they had to be on their best behavior and best skill level around me. Many mornings started with a comment from the caregiver I was walking with about how she had the sister with her today and had to do her best. I explained how I was simply here to join their efforts and see what they did and how they treated their patients. The more time I spent with them, the more I saw how the love and care they give their patients is on a level that I have never seen. I was extremely challenged to love my patients and care about every aspect of their lives, not just the medical aspect. Their approach allowed me to encourage them and opened a door to talk about how they are doing an incredible job and I was challenged to do better in my job by them. Every time we went out, I didn't do a thing. I watched, supported, and encouraged them but didn't even get to know what a blood pressure reading was. That is until today. This morning, two of the caregivers went to a primary school to do physicals on the kids and make sure their immunizations were up to date. The auntie that chooses who goes with which caregiver chose Cailee and I to go to the school. We went to the clinic, picked up the sister in charge of the clinic who was doing the assessments and headed to the school. When we got to the school, they handed me the syringes, needles, and the vials of medication and told me to give the vaccines. Just like that. I didn't ask. I didn't do anything but respect the people working in the field for 4 weeks and waited for them to accept me. After the session was over at the school, the sister asked me to go to another primary school on Monday and help with the same thing, only this time there will be four times the amount of kids and I will be giving all the vaccines. In addition to this invitation, she invited me to come to the clinic and help her complete her work as a nurse all week until we leave for Mozambique. The caregivers told me how i talked to the right person because she not only works at the clinic, she's in charge of the clinic.
What I haven't shared is that when they found out about me being a nurse, both Hein and one of the sisters were very excited about possible future medical advances and trips. As I began to pray about it more and more, I felt a pull to offer myself as a contact and liaison between the two. They want me to sit down with them prior to me leaving and figure out what the community needs and what they identify as their needs, as well as talk to Hein about what future medical teams would need to include or focus on. I have offered to come back a few times a year or when I'm needed to help facilitate the trips because I have relationships with the people here in the medical services already. I was extremely nervous about it and stepping on toes and starting something that will ultimately harm the community when the Americans leave. But today, after 4 weeks of respecting and waiting, my relationship with the sister went deeper. I mean, I only have a week left here in Lambert's Bay before my team goes to Mozambique for 6 weeks (can you believe that we have been here for 5 weeks already?!) but I'm reminded once again that Gods timing is perfect and actively waiting for His plan to unfold creates more opportunities and more blessings than I could have ever imagined.
I have seen the benefit of patience and respect in a very really way today and am more challenged than ever to trust in His plan and do everything possible to respect and dignify the people I am living with and ministering to. I don't know what you're waiting for in your life, but I know that Gods timing is perfect and no matter how long it's been, He is laying the foundations and groundwork for His perfect plan and timing. Trust in that. Wait on Him, but be ready to step into His promises and His opportunities as soon as they come about because He has designed that moments perfectly for His glory. He wants to use you in every way He can and has great plans for you, but we must be patient and actively wait for His direction and timing, because it's always worth the wait.
Monday, August 27, 2012
"Secondhand Smoke"
Written (8/26/12)
If there is one thing that I could avoid, one smell, for the rest of my life it would be secondhand smoke. I don't know why it bothers me so much, but after this weekend, it might just be one of my new favorite smells.
I don't think I've said, but my host family smokes. Everyone but Malcolm. They do a good job of smoking outside or opening the window but I can still smell it on their clothes. But after my weekend away (in Vredendal, reuniting with my other teammates that switch this weekend into the opposite communities) coming home meant coming home to secondhand smoke. When I got home, Auntie Jess gave me a big hug and told me how much she missed me. I love Auntie Jess and value our relationship so much, but until last night, I didn't really know how she felt about me. She is a beautiful woman with an extraordinary smile, but she doesn't talk much, so it's hard to know what she thinks because even when she does speak, it's in Africaans. She listens and lets others talk, but serves everyone who she is in contact with. Her servant's heart is teaching me more than she will ever know. Auntie Jess and Uncle Nevile also took me to the shop with them last night. As I sat in the back seat of the car, followed them around the market, and picked out a chocolate bar that Uncle Nevile insisted on buying me, I couldn't help but feel like one of their own children. I also felt like I was 8 years old again, but whatever age I am, I am one of their own now. Being part of their family now means the smell of secondhand smoke, means that I'm home and I can't even describe how incredible it feels to be at home here.
After I came back from the shop, Aurielle came home and invited me to a Brie with her and her friends. A brie is kinda like barbecue but it's more of a social event. They build a fire, wait for the embers to be the only thing remaining and then cook some type of meat over it. Some people eat the meat like that or they make another fire and let it die down and then make a poikecos (not 100% on that spelling). But it basically is the meat they just cooked and rice and veggies and spices in a big pot and they wait for that to cook as well. Dinner takes hours to make, but being around a fire with friends or family is far more important than the actual food, although it is extremely tasty. Before we went to the brie, we stopped at Aurielle's friends house. Only her friends boyfriend was home, but he and I had an awesome conversation just about America, what I'm doing here with my team, what I believe or think about some of the things America does (which blew his mind to hear an American not agree with everything Obama is doing lol) etc. etc. I have met quite a few people in our time here, but none as educated and informed about America as this guy. He went to university for 4 years and then chose to come back to Lambert's Bay, but it was so refreshing to just talk to someone on the same level about where I'm from and not have to clear up countless misconceptions created by the media. After spending some time with him and attempting to yet again learn the rules of rugby and failing, Aurielle and I went to the brie. By the time we got there, it was about 8 o'clock and all of her friends had been drinking for awhile. She began to drink and they offered me some, but I declined and that's where my opportunities began. I didn't just decline the drink, I also had the opportunity to explain why and to challenge the thinking of those there in a non offensive non confrontational way. As the night went on, I had more and more conversations about why my team and I are here, what I'm going to do after this trip, whay my purity ring means, how to make contacts in the medical system as well as encouraging a paramedic to go to University to further his education, and my final conversation of the night broke my heart in many ways. Aurielle is getting married next year and she started talking about Drew and I as well. She keeps inviting herself to our wedding, which is an event entirely made up by her, but even if there isn't a wedding in our future, I still was able to use my relationship to challenge their ideas and norms a bit. She asked me if I meet a guy here if I would stop dating Drew, I responded no but went on to talk about how I made a promise to Drew and want to be with him. But the next part of the conversation shook me a bit. She went on to ask that if Drew were to hook up with other girls while I was gone if that would be ok with me, because that's just what guys do. I went on to explain how Drew is faithful to me and only me and how I'm worth more than to be treated that way. Unfortunately, the conversation quickly changed gears because none of the girls knew how to respond to a relationship like that. Over and over again I am confronted with the way girls view themselves and how men expect women to be in this culture and it breaks my heart. Not because I am a feminist who believes women should rule the world, but simply because God created each and every one of us and gave us value and life and purpose. There are so many girls here who grow up in church and attend every Sunday, but have never really accepted or grown to understand that truth. Everything in me wants to shout it from the mountain tops but instead, I will continue to encourage people like Mariki and her counseling sessions and the community members that spend time with the youth and genuinely care about their well being and future.
Last night, was the first night that I was able to disconnect from the pack of Americans I am usually with, look people in the eye, and meet them exactly where they are. I wasn't on display at the party for being a white American like our group is many places around town, but I was a new friend and person to talk to and genuinely get to know. I didn't do anything they were doing, and I know for a fact, I left some of the speechless at times because of the things I said or rather didn't say that they did. But I was reminded over and over again as I was somewhat concerned what my leaders or the community would think, that Jesus didn't come to heal those who were healthy, He came to SEEK and SAVE the lost. Seeking the lost, means going where they are and meeting them on their level, eating the fish they eat like they eat it, listening to the dirty rap music thats on in the background, and reeking of secondhand smoke. One of my favorite places to talk to people about Jesus at home is at bars and parties. I don't go very often, but when I do, I have some of the absolute best conversations because I meet them where they are and love them no matter how many drinks they have had or how many nasty words they say. I wonder some times what would happen if we would all just get out of our comfort zones and seek those who Jesus came to save in their own environments, in their own comfort zones and show them a love they have never seen before just by being there and being different. Yea, its not necessarily fun for us, and sometimes, it might not be the safest place to be, but Jesus was nailed to a cross for you and for me, don't you think we can take a little second hand smoke to see another soul in heaven for eternity with Him?
"But God"
Written 8/21/12
This week, has not been an easy week for me. My body is tired, my mind is overwhelmed, and my spirit is also exhausted. Every day is filled with probably 6 hours of physical walking, 10 hours of interactions with sickness, injustice, drug abuse, or teen pregnancy. And the rest of the time, I am in the home of a wonderful family that I met 2 1/2 weeks ago that partially speak English but are very shy. So conversations require thinking and translating and restating and while it's growing us all and getting better every day, it's still exhausting on both ends. My days hardly include downtime and when there is downtime, my teammates are there. Please don't misunderstand me, I love my teammates very much and truly treasure my friendships with each and every one of them, but being around people constantly and interacting every minute of the day has begun to take its toll. When I get tired, more and more things bother me that don't normally. The grace and patience I have for my teammates and the community grows slowly thin and to add insult to injury, I try my absolute hardest to not let my annoyances or exhaustion be visible so I try to cover every thing up on top of already feeling it. And as my eyes get heavier, I am reminded just how real and how much the devil loves me at this point. When I'm tired, my guard is down, anything can bother me, and he thrives. I have been overwhelmed the past few days with what I will do for a job when I get home, how my parents are feeling, what can I do to help my relationship, how can I show my friends I care, what will being home be like again, and the list goes on and on. None of these things are bad things, but they do cause me to miss the here and now and truly don't matter and won't matter for quite some time and even then, I trust God to perfectly ordain His next steps, but my tired flesh wants answers and a plan.
But God. Recently in my study of the Word, in so many places, the phrase "but God" is a turning point and one not only of a decision, but a divine shift or appointment in the scriptures. And the more time I spend in His presence, even when my body wants sleep more than anything else, the more "but God" moments I begin to experience in my own life.
Today, my "but God" moment came thru a boy named Justin. Justin is 12 years old and weighs 16 kilograms. For my nurse friends, figure out his med conversions, just kidding lol. Justin weighs about 35 pounds. Justin was born with severe special needs and needs complete and total care 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Justin will probably never speak, but his smile, made up of mostly missing or rotten teeth, could light up the entire night sky. His blue eyes are the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen and his little freckled face shows the joy of Jesus in a completely perfect way. Justin's soon to be step father attends the church we visited on Sunday morning here in Lambert's Bay and insisted his son needed to meet us. There unfortunately no special needs classes for Sunday school and even if their were, Justin would require too much help so his mom and future step father trade off weeks in service. Today was the only day in the week that worked for our schedule and theirs, and God knew, today was the day I needed Justin. The gym was swarming with girls after the pregnancy prevention class we taught today, but we all came out to Justin and his parents standing outside in the beautiful sun. I was held up with some of the girls so I missed the introductions, but by the time I got to Justin, his dad was comfortable enough with us to let us hold him, and I was the first one he offered to. As I held him, he reached up to touch my head and I learned he loves hair. Well, my mop of waves and curls were tied up today so as I held him in my arms, I had a team mate let my hair down. I have never seen a smile bigger than the one Justin had on his face as he touched my hair and saw it fall all around his face. As I held him. I prayed every prayer I could think of thanking God for his life, praying for healing, praying for God to move in his life some how, the list goes on and on. But as I prayed for Justin, I felt my exhaustion lift in a way I cannot describe. Holding a 35 pound boy was effortless. My annoyances began to vanish one by one. The only thing that mattered to me was Justin and Gods love for him being shown to him. I remember the girls from the class playing with my hair and pulling quite hard, but nothing mattered but Justin because God had come in the middle of my bad day and decided that a "but God" moment needed to change the entire course of the day and week. I came home to my host family, where I was supposed to be cooking dinner tonight, to find Aurielle cooking. I guess they ran out of time to go to the store so my meal had to wait, which meant I got an extra hour to just relax, but all I wanted to do was stand in the kitchen and tell Aurielle about the amazing little boy I met and the way God provided in the most perfect time. "But God" moments don't come around every day for me and if I'm not careful, I miss them sometimes. So my challenge to you is to be on the lookout for "But God" moments in your life and pray like it all depends on Him. And when moments like that happen, tell the world how great our God is and how He took whatever situation we were in and decided to exchange the period in the sentence for a comma and a "but God."
Reality
Written 8/19/12
I think so many times, people have this view of missions as glamorous and like the "in" thing to do in Christianity and really just as a young adult right now in America. The mindset is that every day is tiring and long, but somehow our normal every day human emotions fade and people think that life just can't have anything negative in it at all or if it does have negative, we somehow will just maintain a happy "Christian" demeanor and God will get all the glory. Don't get me wrong, God still gets all the glory, but its not always easy to maintain the right spirit and life certainly isn't always perfect.
I woke up early this morning to shower before church. Thru a few miscommunications, I was unable to take a bath this morning. Taking a bath requires notifying my host family at least 2 hours prior to the time I want to bathe or the night before in order for them to turn the hot water heater on and the water to warm up. I was quite annoyed to be honest. I thought for sure I had asked multiple times to bathe this morning and since it's Sunday, I couldn't just put a hat on to go to church. But I guess the language barrier came into play again and I wasn't clear. During breakfast, I was talking to my host mom about a lunch that one of the other host families planned for all the host families and our team today. She was very firm in the fact that we were not going and I was to come home for lunch after church. I found out later that both of these incidents were miscommunications and to be honest miscommunications happen quite often when you live in a place where the first language of the people is not your first language! Neither of these events were negative or worked out in any sort of bad way, let me make that very clear. But by the time I arrived at church this morning, I was quite annoyed. Not for any specific reason, but I'm human and I allowed my emotions to rule and get in the way today. Disappointingly enough, it took me a bit of time to let the annoyance of my rough morning fade and allow myself to actually get involved with the service. Our community partner, Hein, spoke (in English, which was a nice treat!) but he spoke about the parable of the sower and really challenged everyone in the building.
For as long as I can remember, my mom has taught me about the devils attacks. More specifically, the war that is waging for our souls in the spiritual realm. But when you're 7 years old, attacks are much easier to understand. But as I look back on this mornings events, I can't help but to see the devils efforts to distract me from what God had for me in Hein's message and ultimately the entire day. Being aware of the attack from today got me thinking about missions. It isn't all rainbows and smiley faces amidst the hurt and pain of the people we are doing life with. I am challenged every day, my heart breaks every day for someone or a situation or something going on in the community. While people may be aware of the challenges, I think there is a lack of awareness of the war in the spiritual realm and how it manifests in the work we do every day. In Africa, everything has a spirit. Everything has life and the forces of good and evil are always fighting. The people are very aware of it, too. They can hear the changes in the sounds around them and identify that as the change in the balance or they know when not to leave the house because evil is very prevalent. Americans, for the most part, live their lives without giving a second thought to the spiritual realm. I think in America, the devil attacks differently. I know in my house, if my parents are working on a big event or important message for their ministries, they are constantly fighting. And the same has been true in my life. When I was on the reservation, God was moving in some incredible ways. It was the day we had our feet washed. God was doing so much where I was, but I made an offhand comment to Drew about something and it really hurt him. And on our team, we are 12 people from all different walks of life that haven't ever met before and are trying our hardest to get to know each other while dealing with extreme injustice. The devil knows that if he can start fits or annoyances within ourselves, he distracts us from our goal and ultimately slows down the process and what God has for us to do here. The devil knows our closest friends and the people we care about most and if he can use trouble with them to get our eyes off of what God is doing, he has succeeded. If the little fights work, he doesn't need to do anything more to throw us off. BUT, if we are on guard to the devils attacks and aware of when God is moving or using us in great ways, we can be more mindful of the traps and pray our way thru them and consciously choose not to fall for the devils tricks. I will admit, I doubt I'll ever be able to see them all coming or not fall into some of the devils traps but the more I'm aware, the less I will but more importantly, the more that I pray thru the things I'm confronted with and wake up every day and put on every piece of the armor of God, the less likely I will be to get hit by one of the "flaming arrows of the evil one." My prayer is that you may be more aware of the spiritual realm and that every day, you wake up and put on His armor in order to walk thru the day He has for you and accomplish His purpose and not the purpose of the evil one.
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Hope
Written 8/16/12
As I sat in the teen pregnancy awareness meeting today with 20 girls from the community listening to what they want to do when they grow up, my heart broke. The number of girls that graduate high school without getting pregnant is getting lower, the number of girls that go to university is very low, the number of girls who graduate high school is lower than that of the boys who graduate due to dropping out to care for children or to satisfy their abusive boyfriends. So as I listen to the handful of girls that want to be doctors and the future nurses and lawyers tell me they have big plans for their lives, I can't help but wonder how many of the single moms with multiple babies from multiple fathers once had these very same ambitions. Talking to the girls in the class more, they don't know what it takes to accomplish those goals. They don't understand the cost or the fact that they would be a very very small minority that went to college and would have to fight every social norm in this town to get to Capetown to study. Not to mention the drive and determination it would take to study at the level they would need to. Don't get me wrong, I'm in no way saying they shouldn't try. I believe every single one of them should fight to make a life for themselves and to independently take care of themselves, but the more and more I learn about this community, the more I'm aware I'm a dreamer and not realistic in any way. We have learned that girls as young as 11 years old have babies here but the average age is around 16. Most of the families either don't have a father present or the father figure is a man that beats his wife and children so the boys grow up learning that's what a man does and the girls learn that you take the abuse. Drug abuse is rampant and kids don't know any other way than what their parents have done their entire lives. Countless babies are born addicted to drugs or with fetal alcohol syndrome. The reality of Lambert's Bay breaks my heart countless times a day. The injustice is so apparent that a blind man can see it. But then I hear these little girls say they want to be doctors, lawyers, singers, and nurses and even tho I know the reality that maybe only one or two of them will actually escape the statistics, I can't help but to think of the hope they have of something greater. We join with local ministries to help not just show hope, but to put hope into motion and teach the teens in the community how to accomplish those goals and how to change the mentality that women are worth less than men and that men can do whatever they want to women and subsequently whatever they want in every area of their lives.
Unfortunately, this hope has a long way to go. From my seat in the class today, I had a perfect view of a beautiful 15 year old colored girl, with a palm size bruise on her left cheek. While Mariki talked to the girls, she laughed at all the uncomfortable parts and seemed to be one of the more confident girls in the class and it was apparent that she wanted you to think that about her. She told the group she wanted to be a singer when she gets older and even shared some of her incredible God-given talent. But as she opened her awe-inspiring mouth to sing for us, I couldn't help but notice that when she sang, she seemed free. Those same eyes didn't look free as she laughed at Mariki. She did a very good job of covering up the truth, as many of the girls do here. I'm told they don't talk about abuse and no one asks, even if they know the truth for fear of a worse beating or being beaten to death for opening their mouth in a negative way about their significant other or father. As Mariki spoke, her eyes were heavy. She looked burdened and hurting but didn't want anyone to know. We never found out where the marks came from, but it doesn't matter. I blatantly saw, for the first time, the injustice that has such a stronghold on Lambert's Bay and many of the surrounding communities. My heart and life will never be the same, but this isn't about me. It's about the hundreds of women and girls that are under the impression that they are utterly defenseless to the men who provide for them. My prayer is not just that God would some way, somehow break through the strongholds and destroy the chains that hold the people of Lambert's Bay so strongly captive but that He would use them to spread His love and heart to the entire Western Cape and set this entire province and ultimately South Africa on fire for His name! There is potential. There are leaders. There is desire. There are ways. There is hope.
As I sat in the teen pregnancy awareness meeting today with 20 girls from the community listening to what they want to do when they grow up, my heart broke. The number of girls that graduate high school without getting pregnant is getting lower, the number of girls that go to university is very low, the number of girls who graduate high school is lower than that of the boys who graduate due to dropping out to care for children or to satisfy their abusive boyfriends. So as I listen to the handful of girls that want to be doctors and the future nurses and lawyers tell me they have big plans for their lives, I can't help but wonder how many of the single moms with multiple babies from multiple fathers once had these very same ambitions. Talking to the girls in the class more, they don't know what it takes to accomplish those goals. They don't understand the cost or the fact that they would be a very very small minority that went to college and would have to fight every social norm in this town to get to Capetown to study. Not to mention the drive and determination it would take to study at the level they would need to. Don't get me wrong, I'm in no way saying they shouldn't try. I believe every single one of them should fight to make a life for themselves and to independently take care of themselves, but the more and more I learn about this community, the more I'm aware I'm a dreamer and not realistic in any way. We have learned that girls as young as 11 years old have babies here but the average age is around 16. Most of the families either don't have a father present or the father figure is a man that beats his wife and children so the boys grow up learning that's what a man does and the girls learn that you take the abuse. Drug abuse is rampant and kids don't know any other way than what their parents have done their entire lives. Countless babies are born addicted to drugs or with fetal alcohol syndrome. The reality of Lambert's Bay breaks my heart countless times a day. The injustice is so apparent that a blind man can see it. But then I hear these little girls say they want to be doctors, lawyers, singers, and nurses and even tho I know the reality that maybe only one or two of them will actually escape the statistics, I can't help but to think of the hope they have of something greater. We join with local ministries to help not just show hope, but to put hope into motion and teach the teens in the community how to accomplish those goals and how to change the mentality that women are worth less than men and that men can do whatever they want to women and subsequently whatever they want in every area of their lives.
Unfortunately, this hope has a long way to go. From my seat in the class today, I had a perfect view of a beautiful 15 year old colored girl, with a palm size bruise on her left cheek. While Mariki talked to the girls, she laughed at all the uncomfortable parts and seemed to be one of the more confident girls in the class and it was apparent that she wanted you to think that about her. She told the group she wanted to be a singer when she gets older and even shared some of her incredible God-given talent. But as she opened her awe-inspiring mouth to sing for us, I couldn't help but notice that when she sang, she seemed free. Those same eyes didn't look free as she laughed at Mariki. She did a very good job of covering up the truth, as many of the girls do here. I'm told they don't talk about abuse and no one asks, even if they know the truth for fear of a worse beating or being beaten to death for opening their mouth in a negative way about their significant other or father. As Mariki spoke, her eyes were heavy. She looked burdened and hurting but didn't want anyone to know. We never found out where the marks came from, but it doesn't matter. I blatantly saw, for the first time, the injustice that has such a stronghold on Lambert's Bay and many of the surrounding communities. My heart and life will never be the same, but this isn't about me. It's about the hundreds of women and girls that are under the impression that they are utterly defenseless to the men who provide for them. My prayer is not just that God would some way, somehow break through the strongholds and destroy the chains that hold the people of Lambert's Bay so strongly captive but that He would use them to spread His love and heart to the entire Western Cape and set this entire province and ultimately South Africa on fire for His name! There is potential. There are leaders. There is desire. There are ways. There is hope.
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
The Little Things
Written 8/14/12
We have been here for almost 2 weeks now, and in our communities with our host families for about 10 days. We're definitely starting to settle into a routine of home health care in the morning, meals on wheels deliveries at lunch and substance abuse classes for boys on Mondays and Wednesdays and pregnancy prevention and awareness for girls in the afternoon. Our days start promptly at 8 am and if we're lucky, end around 6 pm but most days, we're invited to youth meetings, parties, or just random events that take us until 9 or 10 pm. As you can imagine, our days are extremely long and tiring, but we are forming some incredible relationships as well as learning a ton about the community and city of Lambert's Bay.
In addition to our time in the community, we are each living individually in host families. Every host family has already accepted us as parts of their families, but some of our "family dynamics" are a bit different. Allow me to explain. My team mate, Katie, is with an older woman who lives in the city who seems to know everything going on in the community and tells Katie how much she loves to "communicate." "communication" is her word for talks a lot. She and Katie get along great since Katie loves to talking is very interested in a vast number of subjects. My family on the other hand is a mother and father (Jessica and Nevile), Aurielle who is 26 and has a 6 year old son named Je-Nauvan. Malcolm is 25 and the only make child. Finally, Lucy is the youngest daughter, she's 20 years old. Uncle Nevile is the police captain of Lambert's Bay (so all my moms out there...I'm safe!), Auntie Jess is a house wife (and her house is always perfect and beautiful), Aurielle works for the local government, Malcolm works at the local store, and Lucy works at the french fry factory (the area around Lambert's Bay is great for farming, especially potatoes), and Je-Nauvan loves to rap and run around the house randomly break dancing. The entire family is extremely welcoming, and caring, but the entire family is very quiet. Anyone who knows me, knows I'm anything but quiet. So it's asking a bit longer for me to build a relationship with my host family that is deeper. In addition to them not talking much as a family, the people here speak Africaans (a combination of Dutch and other African languages). I'm doing my absolute best to learn and the teens know English, but Auntie Jess and Je-Nauvan don't speak much English at all. I think the language barrier makes Auntie Jess nervous, but Je-Nauvan just doesn't understand. He thinks if he yells Africaans at me that I will understand better, but in reality, at 6:30 am when he's screaming Africaans at me, he is really lucky he's cute. Even tho my relationship with my host family is building slower than the rest of my teammates, I wouldn't change my host family for the world. Aurielle is getting married next year and they invited me to the wedding. She also told me I have to come and "catch" the next baby she has...yea, that's probably not going to happen but it's still awesome to be told and invited to. Being with a quiet family has forced me to be quieter. When I'm quieter, I'm listening more. When I'm listening more, I'm not just hearing more about those around me, but I hear more from Jesus as well. I spend more time with my Savior and less time on my own, which is so incredibly refreshing and something I'm realizing is crucial to my life and ministry. Even tho I'm quieter here, I'm also more in tune to Jesus' voice simply because I have more time to listen and I would never change that time for the world.
As I spend more time in the community, I am constantly reminded of the twisted mindset and lost ideas of the people who live here. These ideas are decades and centuries in the making. When I realize this reality, I can either let it overwhelm me and discourage me, or I can allow it to change my point of view and let it encourage me in return. Over the past week, nothing has changed. Teen pregnancy rates haven't decreased, the hundreds of people addicted to crystal meth haven't quit cold-turkey, racial prejudices haven't disappeared, BUT small things in different individuals have started to change. Over the past week, my relationship with Lucy has grown from saying hi to her spending 20-30 minutes sitting on my bed at night before she goes to work and after my day is over, just talking about what's going on in our lives. The people of the community now greet us first, when a week ago, they wouldn't even wave back. People in the community that were too nervous to host a "white American" in a colored community, now are upset they didn't open their homes and can't wait until the next team comes and they get to partner with them. The teenage boys are beginning to see my male teammate, Josh, as a mentor and friend and he has had opportunities to show them what it means to be a man of God and to not take advantage of women. The girls, including me, have developed relationships with the young woman here and have been able to pray over them and speak truth into them, affirming who they are and their worth in Christ and not in boys and sex. Individually, these occurrences don't mean a whole ton, but when we add them all together, we can see the beginning of progress and the reassurance of hope for the future. If I could encourage you in any way this week, know that the little things you discount and think are nothing, are everything and Jesus is working them together for His glory in His timing. I might not see change in Lambert's Bay in the next 4 weeks, but that doesn't mean the small things I am part of here aren't adding up in the Kingdom. And the same is true for your ministry and in your life. God is moving and using everything you do and say. Find joy and encouragement in the little advancements of faith or relationships or whatever God is putting on your heart. Don't be discouraged because you have been praying for 2 years and haven't seen God completely change a life or a situation. Rejoice in the small things, find hope in the future, and never let go of the promise that God is for you and His timing is always perfect.
We have been here for almost 2 weeks now, and in our communities with our host families for about 10 days. We're definitely starting to settle into a routine of home health care in the morning, meals on wheels deliveries at lunch and substance abuse classes for boys on Mondays and Wednesdays and pregnancy prevention and awareness for girls in the afternoon. Our days start promptly at 8 am and if we're lucky, end around 6 pm but most days, we're invited to youth meetings, parties, or just random events that take us until 9 or 10 pm. As you can imagine, our days are extremely long and tiring, but we are forming some incredible relationships as well as learning a ton about the community and city of Lambert's Bay.
In addition to our time in the community, we are each living individually in host families. Every host family has already accepted us as parts of their families, but some of our "family dynamics" are a bit different. Allow me to explain. My team mate, Katie, is with an older woman who lives in the city who seems to know everything going on in the community and tells Katie how much she loves to "communicate." "communication" is her word for talks a lot. She and Katie get along great since Katie loves to talking is very interested in a vast number of subjects. My family on the other hand is a mother and father (Jessica and Nevile), Aurielle who is 26 and has a 6 year old son named Je-Nauvan. Malcolm is 25 and the only make child. Finally, Lucy is the youngest daughter, she's 20 years old. Uncle Nevile is the police captain of Lambert's Bay (so all my moms out there...I'm safe!), Auntie Jess is a house wife (and her house is always perfect and beautiful), Aurielle works for the local government, Malcolm works at the local store, and Lucy works at the french fry factory (the area around Lambert's Bay is great for farming, especially potatoes), and Je-Nauvan loves to rap and run around the house randomly break dancing. The entire family is extremely welcoming, and caring, but the entire family is very quiet. Anyone who knows me, knows I'm anything but quiet. So it's asking a bit longer for me to build a relationship with my host family that is deeper. In addition to them not talking much as a family, the people here speak Africaans (a combination of Dutch and other African languages). I'm doing my absolute best to learn and the teens know English, but Auntie Jess and Je-Nauvan don't speak much English at all. I think the language barrier makes Auntie Jess nervous, but Je-Nauvan just doesn't understand. He thinks if he yells Africaans at me that I will understand better, but in reality, at 6:30 am when he's screaming Africaans at me, he is really lucky he's cute. Even tho my relationship with my host family is building slower than the rest of my teammates, I wouldn't change my host family for the world. Aurielle is getting married next year and they invited me to the wedding. She also told me I have to come and "catch" the next baby she has...yea, that's probably not going to happen but it's still awesome to be told and invited to. Being with a quiet family has forced me to be quieter. When I'm quieter, I'm listening more. When I'm listening more, I'm not just hearing more about those around me, but I hear more from Jesus as well. I spend more time with my Savior and less time on my own, which is so incredibly refreshing and something I'm realizing is crucial to my life and ministry. Even tho I'm quieter here, I'm also more in tune to Jesus' voice simply because I have more time to listen and I would never change that time for the world.
As I spend more time in the community, I am constantly reminded of the twisted mindset and lost ideas of the people who live here. These ideas are decades and centuries in the making. When I realize this reality, I can either let it overwhelm me and discourage me, or I can allow it to change my point of view and let it encourage me in return. Over the past week, nothing has changed. Teen pregnancy rates haven't decreased, the hundreds of people addicted to crystal meth haven't quit cold-turkey, racial prejudices haven't disappeared, BUT small things in different individuals have started to change. Over the past week, my relationship with Lucy has grown from saying hi to her spending 20-30 minutes sitting on my bed at night before she goes to work and after my day is over, just talking about what's going on in our lives. The people of the community now greet us first, when a week ago, they wouldn't even wave back. People in the community that were too nervous to host a "white American" in a colored community, now are upset they didn't open their homes and can't wait until the next team comes and they get to partner with them. The teenage boys are beginning to see my male teammate, Josh, as a mentor and friend and he has had opportunities to show them what it means to be a man of God and to not take advantage of women. The girls, including me, have developed relationships with the young woman here and have been able to pray over them and speak truth into them, affirming who they are and their worth in Christ and not in boys and sex. Individually, these occurrences don't mean a whole ton, but when we add them all together, we can see the beginning of progress and the reassurance of hope for the future. If I could encourage you in any way this week, know that the little things you discount and think are nothing, are everything and Jesus is working them together for His glory in His timing. I might not see change in Lambert's Bay in the next 4 weeks, but that doesn't mean the small things I am part of here aren't adding up in the Kingdom. And the same is true for your ministry and in your life. God is moving and using everything you do and say. Find joy and encouragement in the little advancements of faith or relationships or whatever God is putting on your heart. Don't be discouraged because you have been praying for 2 years and haven't seen God completely change a life or a situation. Rejoice in the small things, find hope in the future, and never let go of the promise that God is for you and His timing is always perfect.
Find in Me thine all in all
Written on 8/4/12
Well, we're here! We're bundled up and everyone is always cold in AFRICA! It's somewhat strange for the mentality that we're in Africa and its only 50 degrees. Since were on the opposite side of the equator, it's winter now and it will be chilly for quite some time. I have at least 4 layers of clothes on everyday and have worn the same pants every day (since I only brought one pair and the rest skirts). I really wish I would have brought some under armour tights! But anyway, enough about the climate. Our first day was all about exploring. We're staying in Lambert's Bay, a fishing community right on the coast and our view is of the beach and ocean. It won't be this beautiful of a view and laid back of days starting Sunday, but for now, I am in complete awe of Jesus and His creation. Seeing the beauty of the place we are going to be ministering to has set such an incredible foundation for where God is moving us next.
Starting Sunday, we will be split into 2 groups for the next 6 weeks. 2 of us are permanently staying in Lambert's Bay and ministering here the entire 6 weeks and 2 team members will be staying in Vredendal for the entire 6 weeks. The remaining 8 team members are split into 2 groups and will spend 3 weeks in each community. I'm staying in Lambert's Bay the entire 6 weeks with my team mate, Cailee. Our main ministries are an old folks home (nursing home) and a counseling/awareness center that does a ton with teen pregnancy, HIV/AIDS, and father involvement in the children's lives. Vredendal is a primarily farming community with some children's ministry on the plans as well. The 2 girls saying there the entire 6 weeks are totally into farming and agriculture and it's a perfect fit for them, just like Cailee and I are a perfect fit for our community as well. We're definitely looking forward to meeting our host families and starting what we came for.
We have been in training the past few days and I can't even begin to cover everything I have learned. I feel far more equipped to start my ministry and 150 x more motivated. The lies and cultural norms that have such a strong hold on this continent have broken my heart and challenged me to do everything I can to love the people and show them the God I love and serve. My goal is not to convert them, our desire is to build relationships and start to change the beliefs in the lies and come along side of the ministries already in motion In the communities we are in to "pour gas on the fires they have already lit" as our community partner Hein says. And I couldn't agree more.
As I stood on the shore today, watching huge waves come rolling in and seeing the beauty of Gods creation and His power in the ocean surround such a dark and lost place, He reminded me that He's here. He always has been here, He will always be here, and He has a great plan for Lambert's Bay. I am but a piece of its story that He chose for me to be, but He has a plan and completely surrounds everything they do and are. In addition, His cleansing power is all around them as well. His power is manifested so beautifully in the ocean and He reminds me that He is still in control, even if it looks like darkness has completely taken over and all is lost, He is still in control and still has a plan for Lambert's Bay. So I will humbly serve and pray for the people of Lambert's Bay and do whatever He calls me to during my time here in order to honor His plan and bring glory to His powerful name.
"Child of weakness, watch and pray. Find in Me thine all in All." the first night we arrived, this challenge and promise began swirling around in my mind. And it hasn't left. Every step I take in this journey reminds me of my human weakness. Every step reminds me that alone, I can't accomplish anything in this life. Every step reminds me that this life I live and the call I have from His has nothing to do with my ability and everything to do with His Plan and His ability. However, I am His child so my weakness, is used for His glory. My brokenness, allows Him to shine thru me and bring Himself more glory than anything I could ever do myself. But His will, purpose, and plan can't ever be manifested if I don't watch Him always and pray without ceasing. Every person I come into contact with, every conversation I have, every place I step, needs to be covered in prayer to allow Him to work in new ways both in and thru me. It also allows me to hear Gods voice and His promptings more clearly because I'm constantly in conversation with Him and am able to listen more clearly than when I don't talk to Him often. In listening to Him and talking to Him constantly, I find myself relying on Him for every part of every need I have. I have little to no contact with my support system and at first it was daunting, but now, I see myself relying on my God for so much more than I ever have before and in that, there's so much peace and freedom in that. I don't need to plan, I don't need to know what's coming, I know that my God will supply ALL of my needs. So I am more able to focus on where He's taking me and less on what I don't know. It's an incredible place to be, completely different, but so much better than any way I have lived life before and I never want to go back to the old way of relying on myself alone. My prayer is that every day, I give more and more to Him and depend on more and more of Him and less and less of me. I pray your life would follow this path as well because He truly wants to use you and bless you in His perfect way, if you only let Him have everything.
Well, we're here! We're bundled up and everyone is always cold in AFRICA! It's somewhat strange for the mentality that we're in Africa and its only 50 degrees. Since were on the opposite side of the equator, it's winter now and it will be chilly for quite some time. I have at least 4 layers of clothes on everyday and have worn the same pants every day (since I only brought one pair and the rest skirts). I really wish I would have brought some under armour tights! But anyway, enough about the climate. Our first day was all about exploring. We're staying in Lambert's Bay, a fishing community right on the coast and our view is of the beach and ocean. It won't be this beautiful of a view and laid back of days starting Sunday, but for now, I am in complete awe of Jesus and His creation. Seeing the beauty of the place we are going to be ministering to has set such an incredible foundation for where God is moving us next.
Starting Sunday, we will be split into 2 groups for the next 6 weeks. 2 of us are permanently staying in Lambert's Bay and ministering here the entire 6 weeks and 2 team members will be staying in Vredendal for the entire 6 weeks. The remaining 8 team members are split into 2 groups and will spend 3 weeks in each community. I'm staying in Lambert's Bay the entire 6 weeks with my team mate, Cailee. Our main ministries are an old folks home (nursing home) and a counseling/awareness center that does a ton with teen pregnancy, HIV/AIDS, and father involvement in the children's lives. Vredendal is a primarily farming community with some children's ministry on the plans as well. The 2 girls saying there the entire 6 weeks are totally into farming and agriculture and it's a perfect fit for them, just like Cailee and I are a perfect fit for our community as well. We're definitely looking forward to meeting our host families and starting what we came for.
We have been in training the past few days and I can't even begin to cover everything I have learned. I feel far more equipped to start my ministry and 150 x more motivated. The lies and cultural norms that have such a strong hold on this continent have broken my heart and challenged me to do everything I can to love the people and show them the God I love and serve. My goal is not to convert them, our desire is to build relationships and start to change the beliefs in the lies and come along side of the ministries already in motion In the communities we are in to "pour gas on the fires they have already lit" as our community partner Hein says. And I couldn't agree more.
As I stood on the shore today, watching huge waves come rolling in and seeing the beauty of Gods creation and His power in the ocean surround such a dark and lost place, He reminded me that He's here. He always has been here, He will always be here, and He has a great plan for Lambert's Bay. I am but a piece of its story that He chose for me to be, but He has a plan and completely surrounds everything they do and are. In addition, His cleansing power is all around them as well. His power is manifested so beautifully in the ocean and He reminds me that He is still in control, even if it looks like darkness has completely taken over and all is lost, He is still in control and still has a plan for Lambert's Bay. So I will humbly serve and pray for the people of Lambert's Bay and do whatever He calls me to during my time here in order to honor His plan and bring glory to His powerful name.
"Child of weakness, watch and pray. Find in Me thine all in All." the first night we arrived, this challenge and promise began swirling around in my mind. And it hasn't left. Every step I take in this journey reminds me of my human weakness. Every step reminds me that alone, I can't accomplish anything in this life. Every step reminds me that this life I live and the call I have from His has nothing to do with my ability and everything to do with His Plan and His ability. However, I am His child so my weakness, is used for His glory. My brokenness, allows Him to shine thru me and bring Himself more glory than anything I could ever do myself. But His will, purpose, and plan can't ever be manifested if I don't watch Him always and pray without ceasing. Every person I come into contact with, every conversation I have, every place I step, needs to be covered in prayer to allow Him to work in new ways both in and thru me. It also allows me to hear Gods voice and His promptings more clearly because I'm constantly in conversation with Him and am able to listen more clearly than when I don't talk to Him often. In listening to Him and talking to Him constantly, I find myself relying on Him for every part of every need I have. I have little to no contact with my support system and at first it was daunting, but now, I see myself relying on my God for so much more than I ever have before and in that, there's so much peace and freedom in that. I don't need to plan, I don't need to know what's coming, I know that my God will supply ALL of my needs. So I am more able to focus on where He's taking me and less on what I don't know. It's an incredible place to be, completely different, but so much better than any way I have lived life before and I never want to go back to the old way of relying on myself alone. My prayer is that every day, I give more and more to Him and depend on more and more of Him and less and less of me. I pray your life would follow this path as well because He truly wants to use you and bless you in His perfect way, if you only let Him have everything.
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Jealousy
As I flew from Phoenix to Detroit tonight, on the first of our 24 hours of fly time , 3 leg adventure to Africa, I can't help but miss Drew. I miss every part of who he is, I miss every part of who we are, and I miss every part of who I am when I'm with him. Don't worry, this blog is not all about Drew. It's about how God used my desire to see Drew and my longing to be physically with him again to show me a bit of His heart, and maybe just maybe why He ordained such an incredible relationship to start right before we both left to do His work separately.
As I read and think and pray on this red eye flight, I can see Gods heart a little clearer tonight. "He is jealous for me, loves like a hurricane, I am a tree bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy...and I realize just how beautiful You are and how great Your affections are for me. Oh how He loves us, oh how He loves us, how He loves us so." I can't help but to equate my desire to see and spend time with Drew to our Heavenly Father's desire to love and spend time with not only me, but the people I am going overseas to minister to as well. Many of the people I will meet over the next 5 months, don't know who Jesus is. Can you imagine, a Father looking down on His creation, being jealous for time with them, and them not even knowing who He is? I don't know about you, but that breaks my heart, but not in a negative way. In an all-consuming overpowering type way that drives me to first my knees, and secondly to action. Our Father wants so badly to commune and love the people of South Africa, Mozambique, and Lesotho. And He chose me to go and show them that love in whatever ways He calls me to. He hasn't just called me. He has called Joshua, Megan, Lindsey, Brenna, Emily, Hannah, Heather, Mark, Katie, Cassandra, Cailee and I to this beautiful journey. And while none of us feel worthy of this call, I'm seeing more and more that His heart continually breaks the longer His people go without hearing His voice and His name. I know I'm struggling enough with not hearing from Drew daily or talking to him about whats going on in his life but once a week, but that's nothing compared to the ages and ages the people we will be ministering to have been away from Jesus and how jealous He is for their time and affection. I'm in no way saying I feel the same hurt that God feels when He looks down, but I do understand a bit more of why I'm allowed to walk down this difficult road of not speaking to Drew often because it allows me to understand the urgency of which the message I carry contains. And how nothing should stop me from spending as much time, and ultimately giving my life to spreading His word and love to those who haven't heard it in Africa.
As I read and think and pray on this red eye flight, I can see Gods heart a little clearer tonight. "He is jealous for me, loves like a hurricane, I am a tree bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy...and I realize just how beautiful You are and how great Your affections are for me. Oh how He loves us, oh how He loves us, how He loves us so." I can't help but to equate my desire to see and spend time with Drew to our Heavenly Father's desire to love and spend time with not only me, but the people I am going overseas to minister to as well. Many of the people I will meet over the next 5 months, don't know who Jesus is. Can you imagine, a Father looking down on His creation, being jealous for time with them, and them not even knowing who He is? I don't know about you, but that breaks my heart, but not in a negative way. In an all-consuming overpowering type way that drives me to first my knees, and secondly to action. Our Father wants so badly to commune and love the people of South Africa, Mozambique, and Lesotho. And He chose me to go and show them that love in whatever ways He calls me to. He hasn't just called me. He has called Joshua, Megan, Lindsey, Brenna, Emily, Hannah, Heather, Mark, Katie, Cassandra, Cailee and I to this beautiful journey. And while none of us feel worthy of this call, I'm seeing more and more that His heart continually breaks the longer His people go without hearing His voice and His name. I know I'm struggling enough with not hearing from Drew daily or talking to him about whats going on in his life but once a week, but that's nothing compared to the ages and ages the people we will be ministering to have been away from Jesus and how jealous He is for their time and affection. I'm in no way saying I feel the same hurt that God feels when He looks down, but I do understand a bit more of why I'm allowed to walk down this difficult road of not speaking to Drew often because it allows me to understand the urgency of which the message I carry contains. And how nothing should stop me from spending as much time, and ultimately giving my life to spreading His word and love to those who haven't heard it in Africa.
Sunday, July 29, 2012
TOMORROW!
Well, tomorrow is the day! We leave tomorrow for our first flight of our 3 flight trip to Cape town, South Africa. We fly from Phoenix to Detroit, from Detroit to Amsterdam, and from Amsterdam to Cape town. 3 full days of travel, long layovers, and 10 hours of time changes, but by 10pm South Africa time on August 1st I will FINALLY be on the ground and stepping into my future. It's finally here! It's like the day before Christmas and I'm a 4 year old kid just ready for life to start. My mind and heart are all over the place, but as we pack our bags and make our final preparations, there's this still small voice that whispers thru the words of Habakkuk and the verse I have chosen to be a theme of my trip. "Look among the nations and see; wonder and be astounded. For I am doing a work in your days that you would not believe, even if told." Habakkuk 1:5. Once again I'm reminded that I don't need to know. I don't need to have a detailed plan and picture of what I'm doing. I don't need control. Because God's plan is so great that I wouldn't believe it even if I were told about it. This verse isn't just true about me and my team but for you as well. God is planning to do something in my life, your life, your families lives, your friends lives, something more than we would believe even if we were told about it. If you're like me, the lack of control is scary, but our God is so much greater and His plans, purpose and timing of everything He does is ALWAYS perfect. I don't know much about what is going on after August 1st in regards to what everyday life will look like, but God knows and has it perfectly planned out as well. In that truth, there's peace, in that truth, there's hope, in that truth, theres freedom. And that's all I need to have a peace that surpasses all understanding flood my heart and soul today and in the days to come. I pray that that truth strengthens you and changes your view on God as well, because He wants to do immeasurably more than you could ever ask for or imagine in and thru you, if you just let Him.
Friday, July 27, 2012
Stand Back Up
As I lay in my bunk at the mission, reading "When Helping Hurts", I'm confronted with the realization of how tired my body is. And when I begin to think more about my week and the huge transitions and life changes that have happened this week, I begin to pray. But as I pray, I realize that my prayer life has not been what it normally is at home and where I love it to be this week. I was in a great place last week, but this week has been filled with emotionally demanding days and many sleepless nights. I wake up tired and ultimately distracted from what God is calling me to, allowing little things to frustrate me and annoy me and my prayer life to decline in a somewhat rapid fashion. I begin to realize that I miss my constant prayer time with Him, I miss my focus on everything He is doing and most importantly, I'm disappointed in myself and angry at the devil for the trap that I have fallen into. His tactic worked on me. BUT, tomorrow is a new day, and our Father is a loving and forgiving God that simply desires time with us. I don't have to be perfect, but as I repent, I can feel clarity of mind and my desire to praise and pray constantly come back into my heart and mind. Our God is greater than anything, anyone, and any stronghold and He is always always there to pick us up and dust off His children with love and a smile. I don't know where you are with God today, but I know that my prayer is that I would be more in tune to the spiritual realm and on guard to the devils devises. I'm seeing more and more as I take steps forward in Him and His call that my armor of God must always be in place and my heart must be always focused on Him. I pray that whoever you are today and whatever your stronghold may be that you give it up to your loving Father and put His armor on in order to "extinguish the flaming darts of the enemy....and when you have done everything to stand, stand firm then." I know I need to be more intentional about it and I pray you will be too.
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Sacrifices
(written 7/24/12) Our past few days have been full of relaxation and helping out around the mission we are using as somewhat of our home base. We spend most of our time at churches and in the communities, but spend a few days relaxing and debriefing in order to recharge for our next mission. We spent yesterday cleaning the entire kitchen at the mission. I spent hours scrubbing the stove tops, oven fronts, and even under the stove tops. Lynn, the woman that runs and lives at the mission with her husband, Don, was floored when she saw it. Blessing someone who blesses so many is an incredible way to do ministry and one of my favorite things. As we woke up this morning, I got a text notifying me a close friends grandmother had passed away, as we went thru our day of hiking and sightseeing, I got another text saying one of my friends is getting an annulment, finally, I received a message saying Drew made it to Kenya to start his incredible adventure that God has for him but 3 of his 4 pieces of checked luggage did not. The list continues to grow of things that happen at home and to the ones I love and care about and I'm not able to be there for. I've missed engagements, break ups, deaths, new jobs, and departures for big missions and I've only been gone for a little more than 2 weeks. As I walk the road Jesus has called me to and set before me, I am becoming more and more aware of the hardest part of being a missionary. It's not that I miss home, I just miss being able to be the friend, sister, girlfriend, and daughter that I want to be. I can already see it being my biggest struggle for the future and as I continue to give more and more of my life to missions. I know that God is moving here and what we're doing, and I know God is in the midst of everything that happens at home. Our God knew everything that was going to happen before I even accepted the position on this team. The more I pray about it, the more I am aware that the devil is doing any and everything he can to distract me and take me away from what God is doing. I wish every time something happened I could go home for a few hours and just make sure everyone is ok because that's the heart God has given me, to care greatly for those around me and take on the burdens of others. But I have to trust that my prayers and occasional conversations with my friends are exactly what they need and God is using them in the perfect way to comfort His children. My trust in Him is growing so much, but the hurt is still there. It's something I know I have to work thru and am so much more aware of now that I have left home. I had an idea it would be hard, but never could have expected this. Just another thing I have to daily give to my Heavenly Father and trust He will provide everything I and everyone I care about needs.
P.S. I have to brag for a moment about Drew, and ask for your prayer for him as well. He left yesterday to start his 2 year adventure as an athletic director at West Nairobi School. I couldn't be more proud of him and just his heart for Jesus. He loves Jesus with everything he has and everything else comes second. And not only does he live his life that way, he encourages and supports me living the same way. God is definitely the center of everything he does and I'm so blessed to call him mine. His travel day was pretty rocky, but he arrived safe and sound, missing 3 bags like I said before, but he's there and ready to start with a long list of transitions and get to work with what God has for him. Can you tell how proud I am of my man? I would love it if you could add him and his ministry to your prayers as well as his fellow teachers and the students he will be ministering to through the gifts and talents God has blessed him with as a teacher and administrator, not to mention a man of God. If you're interested in his journey, he also has a blog, Colletteinkenya.wordpress.com
P.S. I have to brag for a moment about Drew, and ask for your prayer for him as well. He left yesterday to start his 2 year adventure as an athletic director at West Nairobi School. I couldn't be more proud of him and just his heart for Jesus. He loves Jesus with everything he has and everything else comes second. And not only does he live his life that way, he encourages and supports me living the same way. God is definitely the center of everything he does and I'm so blessed to call him mine. His travel day was pretty rocky, but he arrived safe and sound, missing 3 bags like I said before, but he's there and ready to start with a long list of transitions and get to work with what God has for him. Can you tell how proud I am of my man? I would love it if you could add him and his ministry to your prayers as well as his fellow teachers and the students he will be ministering to through the gifts and talents God has blessed him with as a teacher and administrator, not to mention a man of God. If you're interested in his journey, he also has a blog, Colletteinkenya.wordpress.com
Sunday, July 22, 2012
How Beautiful the Feet...
After our adventures remudding houses we moved on to a tent revival with another Navajo pastor. This revival had been going on from Monday thru Saturday, but we were only there for Wednesday and Thursday nights. The revivals include a time of worship, testimonies (where anyone in the community can come and tell about what God has or is doing in their lives) after that, every revival would introduce us as a team and have us sing songs for them (were not a traveling singing group, but by Gods grace we do our best). After we sang and spoke, a pastor would speak to the congregation. The majority of the service is in Navajo, but I love hearing it and spend most of my time praying for the people and pretty much anything that I can see they need, and things that God just lays on my heart for them. On Thursday, the pastor asked us if he could speak some wisdom over us before we left. Of course we said yes! He had us sing again, and then spoke over us. He spoke about Acts 1:7-8 "He said to them, "It is not for you to know times or seasons that the Father has fixed by his authority. But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth." I love when God uses the same verse that He showed me when I first signed up for this trip to encourage us and show us His heart for us as we are about to leave for Africa. After his sermon, he individually washed every one of our feet. I have never been so humbled. We came to the reservation to serve the people here and here's an elderly pastor that is on his knees washing my feet. He told us he was blessing us in the only way he knew how for everything we did for him and his church. Personally, I don't think it was a fair trade. I was blessed and humbled beyond belief. I continually am reminded of how unworthy I am to be on this trip and how great our God is. I felt that we needed to be washing this pastors feet and praying over him and just listening constantly to him for his wisdom, but instead I was being served in the same way Jesus served His disciples. I have never felt more prepared to go to Africa, to "go and preach good news." because of a beautiful 60 something year old pastor and his servants heart that listened to the still small voice of God that called him to wash our feet. I will never forget his eyes or his hands as he cleaned my feet. I'm forever grateful and so excited for what God is going to do in and thru us in Africa now that we're prepared.
Friday, July 20, 2012
Mud Huts
(written 7/16/12) The past 2 days have been spent in yet another Navajo community. This one is near the center of the reservation and very traditional. They have so many awesome traditions that they are trying to keep alive and use to glorify God with. According to Pastor Daniel Smiley, this is basically taboo. If the other Christians and the other Navajo's found out they were participating in these rituals it would be a big problem. Many of the people, including Pastor Daniel, we're shunned from their families for converting to Christianity. Most of the grandfathers of the members of the congregation were medicine men (they were the physicians of the tribe, but we're also believers of crazy out there things) the legacy was changed and God completely conformed their stories for His glory. There is a lot of chaos on the reservation such as alcoholism, drug trafficking, and abuse. But God is obviously moving and doing great things here, even if it's a slow progression. Pastors like Daniel Smiley are answering Gods call on their lives and being used in incredible ways.
Today, Pastor Daniel took us hiking in a beautiful canyon and showed us cave dwelling remains of the Navajo people. The hike was 2 1/2 miles long with a decent elevation change. It felt so nice to get out and do something that was completely up my alley and enjoying the beauty of Gods creation. I spent most of the hike praying and thanking Him for His creativity and feeling so incredibly close to Him in His beautiful creation. There is no way, in my mind that Gods existence isn't 100% evident when you hike and see the unique and incredible creation all around us here in Arizona. After we came back to the church we're staying at, we helped the pastor and some people mud a traditional home. They mud this house every year because the snow and sun destroy it. We had to legit mix the mud with water and apply it by hand to the structure. We mixed the mud with our feet and used our hands as trowels to put it onto the wall. As we worked, the story of the Israelites continually flashed in my head. We worked on this house for 4-5 hours, but the Israelites worked for pharaoh every day, all day. That was the majority of their lives and most of them never saw a better life. We enjoyed the time in the mud today and really had fun together working, but if that was my entire lot in life, I'm not sure I would be able to continue day in and day out. Somehow, the more we worked, the more I realized that my trials and my tough times were all for a greater purpose. Just like the Israelites were allowed to stay in slavery for hundreds of years for Gods glory, I was also allowed to walk a difficult road. The things I have walked thru have might not brought an instant return or instant great testimony, but they have brought God glory in so many aspects and I know they will continue to shape me and help others like me to trust in Gods plan a little bit stronger and a little bit harder. It's funny how God uses things like mud houses to make you aware of how great He is and how perfect His plan is.
Today, Pastor Daniel took us hiking in a beautiful canyon and showed us cave dwelling remains of the Navajo people. The hike was 2 1/2 miles long with a decent elevation change. It felt so nice to get out and do something that was completely up my alley and enjoying the beauty of Gods creation. I spent most of the hike praying and thanking Him for His creativity and feeling so incredibly close to Him in His beautiful creation. There is no way, in my mind that Gods existence isn't 100% evident when you hike and see the unique and incredible creation all around us here in Arizona. After we came back to the church we're staying at, we helped the pastor and some people mud a traditional home. They mud this house every year because the snow and sun destroy it. We had to legit mix the mud with water and apply it by hand to the structure. We mixed the mud with our feet and used our hands as trowels to put it onto the wall. As we worked, the story of the Israelites continually flashed in my head. We worked on this house for 4-5 hours, but the Israelites worked for pharaoh every day, all day. That was the majority of their lives and most of them never saw a better life. We enjoyed the time in the mud today and really had fun together working, but if that was my entire lot in life, I'm not sure I would be able to continue day in and day out. Somehow, the more we worked, the more I realized that my trials and my tough times were all for a greater purpose. Just like the Israelites were allowed to stay in slavery for hundreds of years for Gods glory, I was also allowed to walk a difficult road. The things I have walked thru have might not brought an instant return or instant great testimony, but they have brought God glory in so many aspects and I know they will continue to shape me and help others like me to trust in Gods plan a little bit stronger and a little bit harder. It's funny how God uses things like mud houses to make you aware of how great He is and how perfect His plan is.
Saturday, July 14, 2012
Faith Like A Child
As kids club came to a close yesterday (7/13/12), the beautiful women of the congregation at White Rock Baptist Church made us a lunch of Navajo tacos and taught us how to sing in Navajo. We sang three songs with them in Navajo and I can't believe how easily I began to sing with them and how easily the language came to each of us. I truly felt Gods presence as I opened my mouth and His words poured out. I can't even describe what I felt as His presence washed over me and as I sang. Once again I'm left in awe and feel completely unworthy to be in His presence. His love and Spirit was so evident, I never wanted to leave. It was nothing special. Just 3 women singing in Navajo accapella, but it was one of those moments that I just could not deny His presence. The kids club went great and we had about 20 kids from ages 2-9. My days were devoted to a little boy named Yngwie (pronounced Ingway). He is 2 years old and speaks a smattering of both english and Navajo. Most of the time, I had no idea what he was saying, but his joy and love for life are unparalleled. I often spend time with kids, but sometimes I miss the joy in their eyes because I am busy or they're simply just sassy. But something in this little boy never changed. We were always exploring, always learning, and always digging in whatever we could find. Everything was new and different for him and every time he did something was like the first time, even if we had done it 10 times before. I was challenged once again to not only see every part of this trip with fresh eyes, but also to see every part of my life in a new light every day and every time no matter how many times I have seen it or done it before. I wonder how life would change if I strive to find the positive and new element to everything I did and looked at it with a joy that is unexplainable. I wonder what God would do thru that and how much He would be able to use me for His glory because I am seeing things thru His eyes. I want to see everything with new eyes and with a new fresh look every time no matter how many times I have seen it. I pray I never lose that joy and I never ever lose that love for everything God brings me to or thru.
Let Every Tribe Praise His Holy Name
"every tribe, every nation sing unto God in one voice." Wednesday night (7/11/12) we had the incredible privilege of joining the Roger Deal Navajo Baptist Church for their midweek service. I wish words could describe the beauty of hearing Navajo people of all ages sing unto God in their native tongue and read out of Navajo bibles that were translated by the pastors uncle himself in a hogon (a traditional Navajo house) right outside the church building. We sang hymns in both English and Navajo and rejoiced together as people from the congregation were given time to share what God is doing in their heart and lives. The people are so reliant on God. They give everything they have to Him and rely on Him for everything they need. As they took offering, we noticed a man who put fifty cents in the offering plate, but he had given everything he had, just like the woman who gave Jesus her two pennies. Their lives depend solely on God and what they do make, they give back to Him in its entirety. I have never seen anything like it. We pray everyday for God to be our everything but how often do I empty my pockets to Him believing Him for what I need? How often do I spend my entire day on my knees begging for Gods provision and have Him answer me by bringing $6700 worth of free groceries to the church to be handed out to over 30 families for the week? The Navajo people were so thankful that we spent time with them on our journey, but really, I am thankful for them and the lessons and challenges they provided me with. I have said it before, but I believe it truly is the focus of this trip right now. I want to truly know what it means to depend solely on God and give everything I am to Him for His plan and not mine. I want to pray without ceasing and be in constant communication with Him so that I can easily hear His next step and will for me. Are you dependent on God alone? Or do you look to Him when you need something or think you should give Him praise alone? Don't get me wrong, we need our God then too, but what about every step we take in a day? What about every person we come into contact in a day? Don't they deserve to be loved and prayed for even if we don't know what they are going thru? God knows our requests even before we ask, so He knows what they need and will meet it in His way every time. Maybe you don't pray without ceasing, I know I struggle to every day, but I challenge you to try. Give EVERYTHING to Him in EVERY aspect of your life and day and just watch how He will use your obedience and reward you greatly. I know it's a practice I strive for and challenge you to as well.
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