4 months and 4 days.
That's how long I have been back in Michigan. My time in Africa seems like another lifetime ago but when I reflect back, it's only been 4 months and 4 days. The wonders the devil can do in 4 months. His attacks came almost immediately. From family drama, to saying goodbye to Drew again, to the inability to find a job, the list goes on and on. And as I look back, the person I was when I came home, slowly has faded. I spent 3 months practically stuck in a house while the rest of the world went on without me. I had no idea what God was doing or where He was for that matter. 3 months without a job, 3 months without a plan. 3 months of staring at a TV screen wishing I was back in Africa, yet being so overwhelmed and worn out from the trip, I hardly knew where I was. And then American life came back with a vengeance. I was hired for the nursing position I wanted and I thanked God and hit the ground running. The paychecks started coming, the stress of working flooded back, and my trust in God has continued to be depleted. I somehow had allowed the devil to strip me of my trust in Christ and all the things I learned prior to and in Africa. I look at my life, and hardly see the need for God. I know He is in control, but I am good at my job, I make a lot of money for a new grad, and my life is moving forward in all the ways expected. God is still there, but no where near where He should be. Does my life bring Christ glory anymore? Do my words point people to Him? Am I any different than the people all around me living their lives for themselves? I know I cringe sometimes when I hear the things I say. I know I don't treat Drew the way I used to or respect him the way God has called me to. I know at the end of the day, when I lay down, I wonder what I did for Christ that day and come up empty almost every time. I know my prayer life, is no where near where it was in December and I genuinely miss my God's voice and presence. 4 months and 4 days was all it took. For me to be at a place where I am more frustrated with myself and the way I'm living than ever before. 4 months and 4 days is all it took for me to allow the devil to strip away what Jesus has done in my life. I look back, and cannot pinpoint one day when it all changed, because it happened gradually. One day, I allowed myself to be sarcastic and open my mouth without bringing honor and glory to Christ and the next day, it was easier to do it again. And the next day, I wasn't just sarcastic, I was negative or cynical in a world filled with hope and joy and love. Every day matters. Every day affects the next. Every day the devil is trying with all of his might to tear us down and it's our choice, my choice, who I will live for. Today, I am choosing Jesus. And my prayer is that every day, I would start my day giving it to Him,and you would too.
Jesus, forgive me. I have allowed the devil to take my focus away from You. Please help me to choose to live for you every morning. To love people as You love them, to speak in a way that edifies others and brings You praise, to be joyful and thankful in all things, and to pray without ceasing. I love You and give you everything I am, for without You, I am nothing. I praise You for You are holy. Let everything I say and do bring You praise. Amen.
