"Secondhand Smoke"

Written (8/26/12)

If there is one thing that I could avoid, one smell, for the rest of my life it would be secondhand smoke. I don't know why it bothers me so much, but after this weekend, it might just be one of my new favorite smells.

I don't think I've said, but my host family smokes. Everyone but Malcolm. They do a good job of smoking outside or opening the window but I can still smell it on their clothes. But after my weekend away (in Vredendal, reuniting with my other teammates that switch this weekend into the opposite communities) coming home meant coming home to secondhand smoke. When I got home, Auntie Jess gave me a big hug and told me how much she missed me. I love Auntie Jess and value our relationship so much, but until last night, I didn't really know how she felt about me. She is a beautiful woman with an extraordinary smile, but she doesn't talk much, so it's hard to know what she thinks because even when she does speak, it's in Africaans. She listens and lets others talk, but serves everyone who she is in contact with. Her servant's heart is teaching me more than she will ever know. Auntie Jess and Uncle Nevile also took me to the shop with them last night. As I sat in the back seat of the car, followed them around the market, and picked out a chocolate bar that Uncle Nevile insisted on buying me, I couldn't help but feel like one of their own children. I also felt like I was 8 years old again, but whatever age I am, I am one of their own now. Being part of their family now means the smell of secondhand smoke, means that I'm home and I can't even describe how incredible it feels to be at home here.

After I came back from the shop, Aurielle came home and invited me to a Brie with her and her friends. A brie is kinda like barbecue but it's more of a social event. They build a fire, wait for the embers to be the only thing remaining and then cook some type of meat over it. Some people eat the meat like that or they make another fire and let it die down and then make a poikecos (not 100% on that spelling). But it basically is the meat they just cooked and rice and veggies and spices in a big pot and they wait for that to cook as well. Dinner takes hours to make, but being around a fire with friends or family is far more important than the actual food, although it is extremely tasty. Before we went to the brie, we stopped at Aurielle's friends house. Only her friends boyfriend was home, but he and I had an awesome conversation just about America, what I'm doing here with my team, what I believe or think about some of the things America does (which blew his mind to hear an American not agree with everything Obama is doing lol) etc. etc. I have met quite a few people in our time here, but none as educated and informed about America as this guy. He went to university for 4 years and then chose to come back to Lambert's Bay, but it was so refreshing to just talk to someone on the same level about where I'm from and not have to clear up countless misconceptions created by the media. After spending some time with him and attempting to yet again learn the rules of rugby and failing, Aurielle and I went to the brie. By the time we got there, it was about 8 o'clock and all of her friends had been drinking for awhile. She began to drink and they offered me some, but I declined and that's where my opportunities began. I didn't just decline the drink, I also had the opportunity to explain why and to challenge the thinking of those there in a non offensive non confrontational way. As the night went on, I had more and more conversations about why my team and I are here, what I'm going to do after this trip, whay my purity ring means, how to make contacts in the medical system as well as encouraging a paramedic to go to University to further his education, and my final conversation of the night broke my heart in many ways. Aurielle is getting married next year and she started talking about Drew and I as well. She keeps inviting herself to our wedding, which is an event entirely made up by her, but even if there isn't a wedding in our future, I still was able to use my relationship to challenge their ideas and norms a bit. She asked me if I meet a guy here if I would stop dating Drew, I responded no but went on to talk about how I made a promise to Drew and want to be with him. But the next part of the conversation shook me a bit. She went on to ask that if Drew were to hook up with other girls while I was gone if that would be ok with me, because that's just what guys do. I went on to explain how Drew is faithful to me and only me and how I'm worth more than to be treated that way. Unfortunately, the conversation quickly changed gears because none of the girls knew how to respond to a relationship like that. Over and over again I am confronted with the way girls view themselves and how men expect women to be in this culture and it breaks my heart. Not because I am a feminist who believes women should rule the world, but simply because God created each and every one of us and gave us value and life and purpose. There are so many girls here who grow up in church and attend every Sunday, but have never really accepted or grown to understand that truth. Everything in me wants to shout it from the mountain tops but instead, I will continue to encourage people like Mariki and her counseling sessions and the community members that spend time with the youth and genuinely care about their well being and future.

Last night, was the first night that I was able to disconnect from the pack of Americans I am usually with, look people in the eye, and meet them exactly where they are. I wasn't on display at the party for being a white American like our group is many places around town, but I was a new friend and person to talk to and genuinely get to know. I didn't do anything they were doing, and I know for a fact, I left some of the speechless at times because of the things I said or rather didn't say that they did. But I was reminded over and over again as I was somewhat concerned what my leaders or the community would think, that Jesus didn't come to heal those who were healthy, He came to SEEK and SAVE the lost. Seeking the lost, means going where they are and meeting them on their level, eating the fish they eat like they eat it, listening to the dirty rap music thats on in the background, and reeking of secondhand smoke. One of my favorite places to talk to people about Jesus at home is at bars and parties. I don't go very often, but when I do, I have some of the absolute best conversations because I meet them where they are and love them no matter how many drinks they have had or how many nasty words they say. I wonder some times what would happen if we would all just get out of our comfort zones and seek those who Jesus came to save in their own environments, in their own comfort zones and show them a love they have never seen before just by being there and being different. Yea, its not necessarily fun for us, and sometimes, it might not be the safest place to be, but Jesus was nailed to a cross for you and for me, don't you think we can take a little second hand smoke to see another soul in heaven for eternity with Him?