Love so amazing demands my life, my all

2 months and 2 days from now I will be on a plane headed to Phoenix to officially meet my team and start this incredible journey. Well, part of me wishes that was the beginning, but this journey really began 6 months ago. I have previously shared that I have walked through an extremely difficult 6 months, one filled with heartache, pain and loss, but I haven't been very upfront about it all. Through my recent study of Job, I have begun to understand what God is doing and has been doing. Don't get me wrong, I have absolutely no idea where this road is going or what the next turn may entail, but I do know that my story and my journey has not happened in vain. Someone, somewhere will one day benefit from the pain I have walked through and find hope because of it. I believe it because God specifically says He works all things together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purposes. I know this trip is for His purpose, but I just don't understand exactly why I have to be so much like Job. 

Allow me to explain. I'm sure you know Job's story. He lost his children, his friends, his wealth, his health, everything but his actual life. Since Nov. 10th, the day I officially accepted the spot on this team, I have walked a similar road. For starters, the man I loved and thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with and I broke up. Next, the hospital that I worked at announced it was closing, leaving me jobless and abruptly ceasing the 4 digit pay checks I had grown accustomed to every 2 weeks, not to mention the only true place that I felt like I knew what I was doing and was confident that God had placed me. Shortly after, my health problems began to flare up and new problems developed. As I continued to walk this road, friends that I have been friends with for years slowly began to disappear for many reasons, most of which I still don't understand. Everything I knew was now gone and it was/is only me and God. I have always had friends, I had always had a great job, I never anticipated losing the man I loved, but there I was, finishing my last semester of nursing school, feeling completely alone and utterly helpless. Notice I didn't say hopeless. There is always hope in Jesus. No matter how many times a day I have to repeat that He has a plan, a purpose, and a reason for everything He is doing, I still have hope that life is going to get better and someday soon the blows will cease, at least for a little while anyway. 

As I look back, I don't even recognize the girl that accepted the spot on this team. And I'm glad I don't. I never thought I would be the person that I am today, but I know that without having everything taken away, I wouldn't have ever had a chance to be this person. My God is a jealous god. He desires my affection first and foremost before everyone and everything else on this earth. I understand that now, I knew it before, but I truly understand it now. He gave his one and only son for me, why had I been living so far removed from Him? Realizing this, from the bottom of everything, has truly changed every ounce of my being and prepared me for a trip that will change me again. I know I will never be sin-free, until I get to heaven, but I know that the person I am today is much more able to let God use her and has given everything to Him to use. His love demands our lives, our all. Will you give Him everything and allow Him to use you, no matter what the cost to your plans or desires? I pray that you do because you will never regret it.