Mother's day...or parent appreciation day, in this case

I know that today is mother's day, and trust me, no one loves their momma more than I do, but this post isn't all about her. Don't get me wrong, I could write for hours about how grateful I am for the woman she is and the example she set for me, but God has showed me something a little bit different today and I want to share that with you. Let's start with this verse:

"Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity. Until I come, devote yourself to the public reading of Scripture, to exhortation, to teaching. Do not neglect the gift you have, which was given you by prophecy when the council of elders laid their hands on you. Practice these things, immerse yourself in them, so that all may see your progress. Keep a close watch on yourself and on the teaching. Persist in this, for by so doing you will save both yourself and your hearers." 1 Timothy 4:12-16

As a little girl, my parents did everything but beat this verse into my head. They did everything they could to make sure that I knew that no matter how old I was or how much money we had or if I was a girl or boy, God wanted to use me in big ways. They raised me to do anything. They made sure that I knew they were 100% behind me in every endeavor I tried my hand at. In addition, they taught me that everything I did was a testimony to Jesus and showed others, christians and non-christians alike, that I followed Him. They made sure I knew that I had a God-ordained gift of leadership and that if I didn't follow Him carefully, that  God given gift could turn for evil (and it did at a few points along the way). But even in my failures and heartaches, they reminded me that what man had meant for evil, God had meant for good and He was working everything together for His purposes. They taught me that no matter where God called me, I was going. And that saying no to God for reason of fear, insecurity, or for any other reason was never an option. Even when this trip was announced, there was not even a second of hesitation in their minds. They had peace and were ready to let go of their baby girl because they knew that God had her in the palm of His hand and would protect her and use her in ways they never could. 

I wonder sometimes what my life would have looked like and if they wouldn't have raised me the way they did. I wonder if I would be packing a huge backpack and living out of a tent for 6 months in order to care for those living in a 3rd world country. But then God brings me back to the place of utter humility and awe of His great plan. He chose my parents before the foundations of the earth. He knew when they would give their lives to Him and how they would raise me. My life and my plans were all set perfectly in motion by the God of the universe long before Experience Mission thought about this trip. I am so unworthy to be used by Him. But then again, so are all of us. If we got what we deserved, oh man, it wouldn't be pretty. But instead He shows us the most incredible grace and mercy and allows us to be used, despite our messes and failures, in order to bring Him glory. So today, as you celebrate your mom, just know that God has a perfectly created path for you and you are exactly where He wants you to be. And if that doesn't sound like a positive thing, know that it is, because YOU are bringing glory to the most high God and He chose YOU for exactly that purpose. 

Love so amazing demands my life, my all

2 months and 2 days from now I will be on a plane headed to Phoenix to officially meet my team and start this incredible journey. Well, part of me wishes that was the beginning, but this journey really began 6 months ago. I have previously shared that I have walked through an extremely difficult 6 months, one filled with heartache, pain and loss, but I haven't been very upfront about it all. Through my recent study of Job, I have begun to understand what God is doing and has been doing. Don't get me wrong, I have absolutely no idea where this road is going or what the next turn may entail, but I do know that my story and my journey has not happened in vain. Someone, somewhere will one day benefit from the pain I have walked through and find hope because of it. I believe it because God specifically says He works all things together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purposes. I know this trip is for His purpose, but I just don't understand exactly why I have to be so much like Job. 

Allow me to explain. I'm sure you know Job's story. He lost his children, his friends, his wealth, his health, everything but his actual life. Since Nov. 10th, the day I officially accepted the spot on this team, I have walked a similar road. For starters, the man I loved and thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with and I broke up. Next, the hospital that I worked at announced it was closing, leaving me jobless and abruptly ceasing the 4 digit pay checks I had grown accustomed to every 2 weeks, not to mention the only true place that I felt like I knew what I was doing and was confident that God had placed me. Shortly after, my health problems began to flare up and new problems developed. As I continued to walk this road, friends that I have been friends with for years slowly began to disappear for many reasons, most of which I still don't understand. Everything I knew was now gone and it was/is only me and God. I have always had friends, I had always had a great job, I never anticipated losing the man I loved, but there I was, finishing my last semester of nursing school, feeling completely alone and utterly helpless. Notice I didn't say hopeless. There is always hope in Jesus. No matter how many times a day I have to repeat that He has a plan, a purpose, and a reason for everything He is doing, I still have hope that life is going to get better and someday soon the blows will cease, at least for a little while anyway. 

As I look back, I don't even recognize the girl that accepted the spot on this team. And I'm glad I don't. I never thought I would be the person that I am today, but I know that without having everything taken away, I wouldn't have ever had a chance to be this person. My God is a jealous god. He desires my affection first and foremost before everyone and everything else on this earth. I understand that now, I knew it before, but I truly understand it now. He gave his one and only son for me, why had I been living so far removed from Him? Realizing this, from the bottom of everything, has truly changed every ounce of my being and prepared me for a trip that will change me again. I know I will never be sin-free, until I get to heaven, but I know that the person I am today is much more able to let God use her and has given everything to Him to use. His love demands our lives, our all. Will you give Him everything and allow Him to use you, no matter what the cost to your plans or desires? I pray that you do because you will never regret it.