Year of Thank4ness starts...NOW

GOODBYE 23. HELLO 24!! Today is the day, 24 years ago that I finally decided to make my entrance into the world. With the help of induction and forceps, 12 days later than expected. But God had a plan. He always has a plan. And this is how I plan to honor Him and grow in Him this year. I wrote this blog a week ago, but feel God doing so much through it already that I wanted to repost it. Enjoy! 

With one week left in my 23rd year on this planet, I find myself blown away by everything this year contained. I don't think a list will even start to cover it all, but for the sake of time, that's what I have to work with. 

-got my first job as an RN (technically this was before 23) and fall in love with cardiac care

-visited Kenya with Alison and spent the first Easter away from home

-got engaged to the man of my dreams

-planned a wedding, in 3 weeks

-got married

-went on a 3 day honeymoon

-learned my mom had breast cancer

-watched my mom undergo surgery and get a more intense diagnosis

-packed most of my life

-left the US for Kenya

-started a new job with little to no help or guidance

-learned how to be a wife, in Kenya, without a car, or any idea where I was

-watched my new job crumble in front of me 

-got sick and spent some time in a Kenyan hospital (yikes)

-made the decision to leave Kenya 

-got another new job on a cardiac icu floor

-moved to Saline (yet another new place)

-bought a new car

I'm pretty sure I have missed major parts of the last year in my effort to streamline the chaos, but you catch my drift. 23 was a VERY full year. And if I'm being perfectly honest, I have lost track of how many times during that year that I have felt that God took me somewhere just to put me on a shelf and forget about me. I know deep down that God never abandons us, but I was pretty sure that He was trying his best to see me but not be seen by me. There are still days where it feels like that is the new normal and seeing God like I used to is not reality any more. 

But God is still God and I refuse to believe that I have to stay in this place, emotionally and spiritually. So I decided that I'm going to move forward and I'm going to pursue His promises no matter what. And just because I can't see Him always, doesn't mean that I can abandon everything I have learned. 

I want 24 to be different. 23 was hard, and 24 might be just as hard if not worse, but my mindset doesn't have to be the same. My defeat doesn't have to encompass every part of my life and every day. I can choose. I can choose to be thankful. 

So this year is what I'm calling "The Year of Thank4ness" and my commitment is to be thankful every day for the little things that I let slip through the cracks or the things about my husband and others that annoy me or the life God has given me here and now. There is always something to be thankful for because His love and His blessings are everywhere. I just have to train my eyes and heart to see it. Thanks to a brainstorming session with Drew, I have come up with a few ways to keep myself accountable and to help show others that thankfulness really can change our lives and views. From April 12, 2014 to April 12, 2015 I will be making lists in my phone, on paper, on Instagram, on Facebook, and on my blog. I know no one wants to read all of them every day, that would be ridiculous. But I do want a record and journal of all God is doing in my heart. So most of my lists will be private, but once a week, I am committing to blogging about how this experience is changing my thoughts and what God is showing me through it all. I'm expecting big things. Because we serve a big God that honors our hearts and commitments to Him. So don't be surprised to see the occasional #yearofthank4ness hashtag on Instagram or Facebook status update. Because when God does amazing things, we shouldn't just keep them to ourselves. We should share them and bring honor and glory to our Savior. 

So join me, if you like, because I can't wait to see what God does during my #yearofthank4ness. 

P.S. "The Year of Thank4ness" is a play on my 24th year, in case you missed that connection :) I just needed a cool name and hashtag! 

Until Today...

I know I promised countless people that I would blog but to be honest, I really haven't had much to say. Until today. I wish I could say that I love living in Kenya and my job is amazing and I can see God everywhere I look. But the truth is, these past 4 months do not deserve those words. I have started writing blog posts often, but just couldn't bring myself to post them. People want to hear about our incredible life, they want to know how many lives we have changed and see the faces of those that are going to heaven wholly because my husband and I are missionaries and are changing the world. And unfortunately, if you are waiting for a blog to contain those stories, you will have to continue waiting. 

We arrived in Kenya just short of 4 months ago with the idea that we would stay long term, but nearly the second we stepped off the plane things began to fall apart, for me at least. The job I came here for changed drastically once I arrived. Being the director of Visible Grace Children's home was nothing like the job description I had agreed to. Due to the construction of the foundation of this organization being very rocky, hinges quickly went from bad to worse. In Kenya, one gains respect with age. I, however, was the person who had the most power but the smallest amount of years alive on this earth, not to mention in Kenya. Culture is so strong here and change takes immense amounts of time as well as relationships with the people. Coming from a different culture/mindset did not allow me to be successful or even have a positive effect on the ministry. I was crushed. I had given up my entire life to volunteer with an organization at was crumbling with me at the helm. After much prayer and countless late night discussions with Drew, we decided that the best thing for our marriage was that I step down and remove myself from the organization. My last trip to the Visible Grace house was officially November 2nd. Such a bittersweet day. 

One of the changes made in the job description was that my hours or expected time at the Visible Grace house was cut from 3 days a week to just 1. That meant that I only traveled to the house on Wednesdays and the rest of the 26 days of the month I was more or less home bound. Drew and I don't have a car and even if we did, there really isn't anywhere to go and hang out here, especially not for a white woman alone. My days became nightmares. I feel like I constantly questioned God's plan while I felt like He set me up on a shelf and just forgot about me. Growing up in the church has instilled countless verses such as "God will never leave you or forsake you" "in this world you will have trouble, but take heart for I have overcome the world." The list can go on and on. While I knew these verses in my head, it seemed like they had escaped my heart. None of it seemed to matter anymore. My prayers bounced off the ceiling, I had no interactions with people so I didn't have anyone to show Christ to, the notion that led me to believe that if I were to die in this country, no one would even notice. God seemed to have all but left me alone in a 3rd world country. There have been countless days that if I knew how to get to the airport, I would be gone by now. 

But I'm supposedly a missionary. One that God sends to the corners of the world to preach the gospel. Christian society tells us that missionaries are so spiritual and they have the greatest faith and walk with Jesus. But here I am, living on the mission field, questioning if God even exists. I know I'm not supposed to say that, but it's the truth. I have spent too many days trying to keep myself together and put on a show for everyone we live and commune with who love life here and for everyone back in the States that brags about us to everyone they know. For awhile, I was so afraid to talk about my true feelings with anyone other than my husband. What would people think of me? Or worse of God if they heard what I really had to say? Everyone we have met here absolutely loves Kenya. How do I find a way to be open and honest with people who could never understand where I am? For awhile, almost 4 months, the devil continued to win in that lie holding me back from telling my real story. And I let him hold me back.

Until today. Somehow while I was brushing my teeth this morning, I felt God urging me not to hide anymore. The more I thought about writing this, the more I remembered how many people changed my life with being transparent. As a Christian, we all want to seem like we have it all together. But this lie can paralyzes us to our core. We see everyone's "highlight reel" while we are looking at our "deleted scenes" thinking there couldn't possibly be someone else who feels like I do. And that's where the devil wants us to stay. He wants to divide the community that Christ intended for His children. He wants to do whatever he can to keep us from growing with Jesus and others. And for me, keeping my truth under a mask allowed him to continue to feed me lie after lie. But I'm choosing to end the cycle here. What if we all truly opened up our lives and struggles to not just God first, but the incredible people He has blessed us with? What if we stopped living lives separate from others and began to operate as the early church did sharing everything we have with whoever needs it, including our feelings and failures? What if we recognized that others are walking through trials too and could really use the scriptures or words we learned when we were walking through a similar struggle? What would happen if we were truly transparent to those around us? I think we would be insanely amazed at what God could do through our stories and lessons. I think He would begin to show Himself in new ways as we grow and do life together. Transparency is not easy, but neither is doing life on our own. God wants to commune with you constantly and has placed people in your life and mine to point us back to Him and do life with us. 

"[Our] flesh and hearts may fail, but God is the strength of [our] hearts and [our] portion forever." ~Psalm 73:26

How Did We Get Here?

A week ago today was my first full day as a Collette and to be honest, it really hasn't sunk in yet. Legally, I am now Kaitlyn Hope Collette, but I have still signed Marko more times than I can count and every time I see my husband's wedding band or wake up next to him in bed, I question reality. I guess that's to be expected though when you get married a month after he proposed. But to be fair, I think I knew this day was coming from our very first date. However, I didn't think it would ever happen this quickly. Allow me to explain just a glimpse of what God has done in the past 3 months leading up to the creation of the Collette household. 

If you've ever read my blogs or spoken to me, you know that I've already spent 6 months in 3 African countries and truly left my heart there in December when I boarded the plane to come back to the States. God blessed me with an incredible nursing job that I loved, but nothing about life was full or "African." I have never found a place where I can call home and feel so alive like Africa is for me. The continent itself is so different than America but so full of potential and life if we are willing to follow God's leading and His direction to love the people and show them Him first and foremost. My heart has longed for Africa since December 20th when we touched down in Atlanta and I had received a few offers for ministry positions, but none had the same peace that I felt when Christ opened the door for my previous trip. Not until I met Ashby. In April, Alison and I went to visit Drew for Easter and spent about 2 weeks being tourists in Kenya. The sights are beautiful and we had a great time, but there are 2 days I remember and loved the most. The first was a day, and the most significant in our story, we spent at Heshima, an organization for kids with special needs. Drew, Alison, and I spent the day playing with kids, doing therapy, feeding them, assisting the workers, anything and everything needed we attempted to help with. While we were there, we met Ashby who is a volunteer with Heshima 1-2 days a week but she was in the final stages of opening the first home for children on the property known as Visible Grace. As we talked, we learned more about the vision and work Ashby has already done and how close everything was to being reality. To be honest, I listened, asked questions, and prayed for her but never thought anything of it. Not until the middle to end of May. Drew and I were at a crucial part of our relationship. He felt God leading him to stay in Kenya longer and I knew that if we added multiple more years to long distance it wouldn't work. Plus, from the very beginning, we refused to go to another country or ministry "chasing" each other. So we were at an impasse, I had no reason to be in Kenya, he had no reason to leave. But God, as always, had other plans. During this time, I messaged Tracey, the director of Heshima, about any ministry opportunities within the next year or so she knew of and every option she gave me were already closed doors or the peace was not there. I also messages Ashby, seeing how everything was going with Visible Grace but also randomly asking if she knew of anything also. The next day, I got a response from Ashby. "We are looking for a nurse now," she wrote, "and I'm also leaving in August for over a year so I'm looking for an American director to be in charge of the entire ministry on the ground in Kenya while I'm gone, is that something that interests you? Because I think you're completely an answer to my prayers." As I read, peace beyond all understanding came over my body and spirit. Jesus was there, holding my hand, reading over my shoulder, walking through this with me and opening doors that I hadn't even thought of. Without hesitation I forwarded the email to Drew and through a few Skype calls with Ashby and intense messages back and forth to Kenya, I was offered the position of director at Visible Grace in Kenya until I felt God lead me somewhere else. Basically, the job is mine as long as I want it. "Oh, and how fast can you be here?" Ashby followed up the offer with. Completely blown away by God, I relayed all of this information to Drew because he has intentionally stayed out of the process unless invited in by me so it truly is my ministry and my decision. Drew didn't hesitate for one second when suggesting we get married before he was set to go back to Kenya and have me come back with him, as his wife. He said so many things that allowed me to understand this wasn't on a whim, he had thought seriously about spending the rest of his life with me for over 6 months prior to this. We had talked about it before and I was set on marrying him one day, but didn't anticipate it happening this summer! But more time in prayer and wise counsel and I was at peace with being his wife sooner rather than later and starting this new adventure together as one. I have to admit, I was extremely tired of doing life separate from him and anxiously awaited the day God would bring us together again. And as always, our Father knew the desires of our hearts and rewarded our faithfulness and trust in Him. Drew asked me to be his wife on a Tuesday night at the Rochester Mills, where we had our first date last year. We planned our dream wedding in 3 weeks, didn't compromise on one thing we wanted and got married July 18th. Yes, we got married on a Thursday, but to be fair, NOTHING about our relationship is conventional so why would we ever get married on the typical days? 

This week has been full of preparations to leave on July 31st for Kenya. I have made so much progress that today is a relaxing day filled with movies and Jesus. But even in my task oriented world recently, I have begun to think and attempt to transition to life in a third world country, life as a wife, life as a director of an orphanage, life with no one but my husband living there with me, life that is fully dependent of Jesus alone. There are far more transitions than I know what to do with to be honest with you. But the last one in that list isn't new and shouldn't be new for any of us. A life fully dependent of Jesus alone. No matter if you live a life that has all the same transitions as me ahead, or you have none of them in common, a life dependent on Jesus is the only way we accomplish the road He has laid out before us. Am I scared? Absolutely. Do I fear failure? 100%. Do I know it's not going to be an easy road? You better believe it. But what trumps all of those, is that my first focus every day is to live a life dependent on Jesus alone. And if I do that, and you do that, first and foremost every day, everything else doesn't seem so daunting. And trusting Him takes away the fear and replaces it with peace. A peace that surpasses all understanding. So no matter what road God has lead you to, give everything to Him first and no matter how rough the road is, you will never walk alone. 

P.S. check out Visible Grace's website to learn more about the beautiful kids and ministry I will be a part of! www.visiblegrace.org

What are you waiting for?

3 weeks from today, I have the privilege of picking my handsome man up from the airport to spend 2 whole months in the US (the longest amount of time we have spent in the same place). And I find myself more and more anxious for the day I get to see him. Of course that's normal, but it made me think, do I do this with every part of my life? Do I live in anticipation of what's coming and miss the things God has set out for me to do today? I know in my relationship, the distance and time changes are far more stressful than either of us could have imagined, and I find myself very angry and frustrated by the fact that Drew needs to sleep when I'm in the middle of a catastrophe. Don't get me wrong, he is incredibly supportive and we do all that we can in order to support and be there for each other, but I know that I cannot wait to have him in the same time zone and state again soon. But I miss things. The other night he stayed up really late to talk since we hadn't seen each other the entire week and the very next day I jumped on him for something little and pointless, making his sacrifice the day before seem pointless and unrecognized. In my quiet time with Jesus today, I couldn't help but A) be convicted of hurting the man God has miraculously brought into my life, but B) wonder how many times we do this with God. How many times does He bless us or reveal Himself to us and we turn right around and blame Him for something else and completely dismiss the incredible thing He did for us right before? How many times do we look forward and miss the things the little "distractions" He has for us to do today? How many things have I failed to thank Him for or do in His name because my focus is on what's coming instead of what is here now? How can we shift our focus to see what He has for us to see, today, this minute? 

There's probably a Hillsong song that can apply to every part of our lives, but as I prayed for His eyes, these lyrics poured into my heart and convicted me in ways I cannot describe.

"Open up my eyes for the things unseen, show me how to love like You have loved me. Break my heart for what breaks Yours, everything I am for Your kingdoms cause" 

Show me how to love like You love me....everything comes back to love. I know it sounds so fundamental, but it is. If we learn to love people like Christ loves us, we won't miss the here and now. If we learn to love like Christ and love like He loves us we will see the things that are unseen. If we love people like Christ loves us, our hearts will break for what breaks His. And everything we are will be for His cause. 

And since I started with him, selfishly, if I learn to love like Christ, I would be able to love Drew more fully and be able to show him my appreciation for everything he does loving me. 

While love is the greater commandment and the basis for everything we are called to as "little Christ's", I believe there is another piece to this, a piece that I think is just as hard, if not harder in my opinion, than loving like Christ loves us. 

"...For I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content." ~Philippians 4:11b

Content: satisfied with what one is or has; not wanting more or anything else. 

How many times can you say you are truly "content"? I know I look at the definition and can list a dozen instances from just today that I'm not even close to content. I want my man home, I want to know what God is doing in my life, I want to know when I can go back to the continent that's home, I want to be out of my parents house, I want all sorts of things. And I think that if I can just make it to the next thing that ill be happy or at peace or feel like I'm where I need to be. But nothing in the Word talks about waiting or being anxious about what is ahead. In fact, there are countless references and commands to "not be anxious about ANYTHING" but instead to be content in where Christ has us and what He has called us to and trusting that His plan and timing is perfect in every part of our lives. I'm the first one to be convicted, but being content, allows us to love and shift our focus from our own situations to the lives and circumstances of those around us. And ultimately, gives our Father all the glory in every part of our lives, which is what we are all created for and called to. 

4 months and 4 days.

4 months and 4 days.

That's how long I have been back in Michigan. My time in Africa seems like another lifetime ago but when I reflect back, it's only been 4 months and 4 days. The wonders the devil can do in 4 months. His attacks came almost immediately. From family drama, to saying goodbye to Drew again, to the inability to find a job, the list goes on and on. And as I look back, the person I was when I came home, slowly has faded. I spent 3 months practically stuck in a house while the rest of the world went on without me. I had no idea what God was doing or where He was for that matter. 3 months without a job, 3 months without a plan. 3 months of staring at a TV screen wishing I was back in Africa, yet being so overwhelmed and worn out from the trip, I hardly knew where I was. And then American life came back with a vengeance. I was hired for the nursing position I wanted and I thanked God and hit the ground running. The paychecks started coming, the stress of working flooded back, and my trust in God has continued to be depleted. I somehow had allowed the devil to strip me of my trust in Christ and all the things I learned prior to and in Africa. I look at my life, and hardly see the need for God. I know He is in control, but I am good at my job, I make a lot of money for a new grad, and my life is moving forward in all the ways expected. God is still there, but no where near where He should be. Does my life bring Christ glory anymore? Do my words point people to Him? Am I any different than the people all around me living their lives for themselves? I know I cringe sometimes when I hear the things I say. I know I don't treat Drew the way I used to or respect him the way God has called me to. I know at the end of the day, when I lay down, I wonder what I did for Christ that day and come up empty almost every time. I know my prayer life, is no where near where it was in December and I genuinely miss my God's voice and presence. 4 months and 4 days was all it took. For me to be at a place where I am more frustrated with myself and the way I'm living than ever before. 4 months and 4 days is all it took for me to allow the devil to strip away what Jesus has done in my life. I look back, and cannot pinpoint one day when it all changed, because it happened gradually. One day, I allowed myself to be sarcastic and open my mouth without bringing honor and glory to Christ and the next day, it was easier to do it again. And the next day, I wasn't just sarcastic, I was negative or cynical in a world filled with hope and joy and love. Every day matters. Every day affects the next. Every day the devil is trying with all of his might to tear us down and it's our choice, my choice, who I will live for. Today, I am choosing Jesus. And my prayer is that every day, I would start my day giving it to Him,and you would too.

Jesus, forgive me. I have allowed the devil to take my focus away from You. Please help me to choose to live for you every morning. To love people as You love them, to speak in a way that edifies others and brings You praise, to be joyful and thankful in all things, and to pray without ceasing. I love You and give you everything I am, for without You, I am nothing. I praise You for You are holy. Let everything I say and do bring You praise. Amen.

Unrecognizable

(Written 12/1/12)

A few days ago I sat down with my team leader, Heather, to evaluate my Immersion experience. Among the list of questions she had for me, she asked me for a word, phrase or sentence to sum up my time during this trip. After a few minutes to think, I chose the sentence, "In the best possible way, I don't recognize the girl who got on the plane in Detroit."

While my face and arms may be a darker shade of color and I might not be in the physical shape that I was in 6 months ago, I wasn't referring to my outward appearance (don't worry mom, I didn't get dreads...). This trip has revealed many elements of who I am as well as transformed more of my heart than I knew existed.

Beginning the day before I was even offered a position on this trip, God began to strip away parts of me that didn't glorify Him. By the time July 7th came around, I didn't recognize the girl who applied for this trip. From day one, every part of me has been challenged. Whether it was in training by theoretical injustice instances, or on the Navajo reservation where alcoholism and legalistic religion runs rampant, or in South Africa where skin color decides what social status or even area of town people are allowed in, or in Mozambique where the people are too poor to buy shoes or salt, or in Lesotho where the people are not able to produce enough food for their families and are reliant on South Africa for countless imports, or living with a group of strangers for 6 months, or traveling and dealing with customs and cultures that are not easy to learn or mesh with. Every minute of this trip has challenged me in ways I probably won't fully know for some time to come. Parts of me I never knew existed were not only challenged, but removed. Parts of me were developed in ways I never thought possible. Parts of me were discovered as I allowed God to chip away at what I thought I needed to be while holding me and loving me in a way only He can. Things that used to matter, don't anymore. Things that used to not be on my radar, are glaring and breaking my heart every day. Who I thought I was has disappeared and the woman He has me to be becomes more and more apparent every day.

Not only did He change my outlook on the world I came from, He has begun to prepare me for the world He wants me to be a part of in the future. I think I was 12 the first time Africa was placed on my heart. As I grew and learned, my passion for Africa grew and developed. My choice to go to nursing school directly affected my knowledge of His call on my life for full time medical missions. I didn't know where in Africa He would call me, but I knew after nursing school, Africa was next. Without this trip, I would have never been prepared for full time missions. Seeing multiple cultures and facets of Africa has not only helped me determine God's call for my life, but has opened my eyes and heart to the differences and diversity of the continent in a way that any other trip couldn't have done. The mere nature of this trip took me way outside of my comfort zone to a place where clinging to Jesus was my best and only option to "make it thru" successfully and learn more about Him and His heart for both me and the people of Africa.

Outside of comfort zones is where Jesus loves to take us in order to show us more of Himself, His heart, and His will for us. When was the last time you allowed yourself to be taken outside of the things you know and to simply be alone with Jesus so that He can speak to your heart? It may take a 6 month trip to Africa, it may only take 30 minutes of pure silence with Him and no distractions. It may be different for every one of His children. My time in Africa is coming to an end and so is 2012. What will 2013 look like for you? Will you allow Him to take you out of your comfort zone in whatever way He calls you? Or will you allow another year to come and go without giving everything you have for His glory? After all, do you want people to recognize you when 2014 rolls around, or do you want to be unrecognizable and giving Him all the glory?

"Remember the wondrous works that He has done, his miracles, and the judgments He uttered." -Psalm 105:5

"You're Beautiful"

(written 10/24/12)

I see Your face in every sun rise
The colors of the morning are inside Your eyes
The world awakens in the light of the day
I look up to the sky and say
You're Beautiful

In Mozambique, the day starts when the sun comes up. I realize that this happens in many cultures and time zones all over the world, but in Mozambique, a place where electricity is not a common utility in the homes, the sun is greatly relied upon for work. In my house, the chickens wake up first, followed by Avõ, then the kids and then me. They let me sleep in a bit, since I was a guest but most days still started around 5:30. The door of our house opens to the most beautiful sunrise I have ever seen and somehow, sweeping and crushing mandioka for breakfast isn't as terrible with God's beautiful sunrise starring me in the face and His eyes looking down on me. Not many things are awake in the world when the sun rises and families don't really start to communicate with each other or others until later. And even tho I find it hard to form words in English at 5 am let alone Portuguese, there is a stillness and a peace that my Abba is in the very center of, beginning every day with His love and beauty.

I see Your power in the moonlit night
Where planets are in motion and galaxies are bright
We are amazed in the light of the stars
It's all proclaiming who You are
You're Beautiful

I wish there were words in one of the five languages I have learned on this trip to describe the brilliancy of stars when there is no electricity for miles and His creation is the only thing visible but none come to mind even after laying under them for 6 weeks. Not one word, not 500 words could describe how incredible my God is and how beautiful His stars are. As I laid under the stars, my host family thinking I'm crazy, and starred up at the moon, stars, and galaxies that I could see from the rock in front of our house, perfectly curved to my back and neck, I saw the amazing complexities and intricacies of the sky and just how creative my Father got when creating the world. But more than that, His thoughts for me outnumber those stars He created. I tried to count one small section of one tiny expanse of the sky. I couldn't even tackle that much, let alone the entire sky! I'm so unworthy of that many thoughts and that much care and ultimately that much grace. Laying under the stars is by far the most humbling experience. I have never felt so small, yet so loved in my entire life. Night brings a welcomed breeze thru our house and porch. The atmosphere changes when the sun goes down. Families make dinner and spend time unwinding together before heading to bed, around 8 pm because the sun has gone away and so has the ability to see. But for a short while, everything stops. No more working, no cooking, no yelling, at my house everything stops and Avõ and I just sit together starring out over the land. We don't usually say much. Sometimes Avõ gives me a quick Lomway lesson, but other than that we simply sit together and enjoy the quality time and silence we have been given. His power is more evident in the stars, but His presence also fills the air and calms our spirits, together.

I see You there hanging on a tree
You bled and then You died and then You rose again for me
Now You are sitting on Your heavenly throne
Soon we will be coming home
You're Beautiful

Life in Mozambique is not an easy one. Ministering in Mozambique is very challenging. But my Jesus hung on a tree, bled, died, and rose again for me. And for Avõ. And for Jame. And for Esperanca. And for every person here in Mozambique. When days aren't easy, and most aren't, it's easy to lose sight of the mission. It's hard to keep the focus on Jesus' sacrifice and sharing His love with everyone in this country and the world. But that is why we are alive and why I am on this trip, to spread His love and grace to the ends of the earth and to share what Jesus did on the cross for each and every one of us.

When we arrive at eternity's shore
Where death is just a memory and tears are no more
We'll enter in as the wedding bells ring
Your bride will come together and we'll sing
You're Beautiful

I have had many hard days here in Mozambique. I have been tested and tried in ways I never thought I would be or really wanted to be. At times, I have questioned why I'm even here and what my presence is doing for my family and the community. But I'm reminded at my plan is nothing. And His plan is everything. His plan is perfect. His timing is perfect. He has a purpose for it all. I am not called to plant, water, and see growth, and tend the field, and reap the harvest. He has called me here for this season and I don't have any entitlement to see the other seasons. I finally understand that if I don't understand why I was here, until I get to heaven and recognize a Mozambican face from my time here, that it will be enough. I'm satisfied with trusting Him and His plan to know that it doesn't matter what I see, His plan will be carried thru to completion. And I can't wait to get to heaven and join the rest of the bride to sing praises to my God, with the Mozambicans He brought to Himself thru our time here.

I see Your face
You're Beautiful
You're Beautiful
You're Beautiful

Everywhere I look, there are faces. Faces of children. Faces of grandmothers. Faces of men. Faces of mothers. Faces of orphans. But in their face, no matter how broken, tired, or lonely, I see His face. And it is a beautiful beautiful face filled with a joy like none other. God is here in Mocuba, Mozambique. No matter how hard it may be to see at times. He is here and living and working in ways we may never see, but will bring Him more glory than any of us could have ever imagined.

The past 2 nights, I have sang praise and worship songs at night while avõ and I sit on the mat. I always start with "You're Beautiful" because of all the meaning and beauty behind the song. I sing alone and started because I missed music and time with my Savior, but I also know that God moves in worship and, especially in my life, uses it in ways I am constantly blown away by. 2 nights ago as I was singing, Belo avos 8 year old grandson who is visiting from Milange, came running over from his house and said "Ti-Tia (aunt in Portuguese) you're beautiful you're beautiful!" and he began to sing the chorus. So I sang the verses and he sang the chorus with me. Part of the way thru, Jame joined in on the chorus. After we had finished, Belo folded his hands and asked me to pray. So I prayed over the two little boys sitting and praising Jesus with me. Then Belo prayed. Then Jame. The next night, Belo's brother Beliniu joined us and he sang and prayed with us. And any time Belo and I just sat together, we sang "You're Beautiful." Fighting back tears, I thanked God for the little sign of hope and the beauty He is creating in this place as I leave.